A human being, not a human doing

Just like Ed Sheeran, why I’m considering a break from life behind a screen.

“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?”
— Danielle LaPorte

I’ve been pretty sure of who I am for years. I grew up with a strong work ethic, an appreciation of being different, an understanding of what it meant to be shy and introverted (the two aren’t mutually exclusive). But lately I’ve been feeling a little lost.

Let’s go back to the beginning.

I’m a copywriter. Every day I tell brands who they are, what they should say, and where they should say it. I give them carefully considered words in cleverly crafted sentences in perfectly positioned paragraphs.

I get to know these brands inside out. What’s at their heart? What makes them tick? Who do they speak to?

That’s how I figure out how to sell them, or sell their products. And I’ve been applying the same questions to myself, but for entirely the wrong reasons.

I ask myself what’s at my heart, what makes me tick and who do I speak to every time I write a blog or social media post. I want to make the right impression to the right people. But, I forget to ask myself those questions as a person.

Everything I put online is filtered, just as carefully considered as the words I sell to clients. But who is it filtered for?

I sell myself as brand on social media, and take the criticism as an individual.

When my travel blog doesn’t get the hits several blogs aligned with my brand do, I feel like I’m failing. When my posts don’t get the retweets, the shares or the likes, I feel like I’m not making an impact.

Expert articles and opinion pieces tell me if I’m not getting the results, I’m not putting in enough graft. If I’m not getting the traction, I’m not talking about myself enough.

Am I really getting my kicks out of sharing my travel expertise? Not anymore. I’m trying to enjoy writing by basing it on how well I’m doing online. And the truth is, that’s never gonna work.

I can’t decide who I am by looking at my online ‘persona’. I shouldn’t let my social media profiles and the response I get dictate my values.

There’s so much focus on being expert and happy and successful, which are great as top line goals. And they look bloody fantastic with filters (hello vsco T1). But when you find yourself wanting those in order to get validation as a person and feeling like you’re falling short — that’s where the waters get really murky.

So, I’ve decided to spend some time getting to know who I am again. The first step is to have a different attitude to social media.

I don’t need to market myself. I’m a being, not a brand. I’m complicated, anxious, thoughtful, ever-changing. I was me before blogs gave me shitty anonymous comments. I was me before Facebook gave me passive aggressive statuses. I was me before Twitter gave me retweets. I was me before Instagram gave me heart emojis. And the person sitting in front of the telly writing this article — it’s just me.