THE SPORTSFAP STAR RATINGS SCALE
Updated: May 26th 2019
I love pro wrestling. I also love the standard pro wrestling rating system, where wrestling matches are awarded a grade from 1–5 stars. Star ratings are a fun source of debate, and a way to help decide what to watch in this Pick-and-Choose era.
Now before we get too deep into this, let me state that star ratings are, clearly, a silly thing to love. It is a little bit silly for people to rate things at all. I can understand why some people hate reviewers or critics and I understand the whole “Don’t you say that about muh precious (insert niche thing here) _____” attitude, despite insulting it in this very sentence. It’s silly for people to sit on the sidelines and rate the work of other people, and it’s doubly and triply silly for people to rate pro wrestling matches and to enjoy the “work” of people who do. This is a ridiculous pursuit, and I will not argue that for one second.
Having said that, I’m just gonna go ahead and do it anyway. When we talk about pro wrestling here at Sportsfap, we will throw out a rating between 1* and 5* for every match we watch. These ratings are meant to be a celebration of professional wrestling, here to help you navigate the murky sea that is Everything That Ever Existed. These are not a be-all-end-all judgement on the wrestling business, or the performers in that specific match. Please direct all complaints and concerns to buttmail@mybutt.ass.
THE SPORTSFAP STAR RATINGS SCALE
5 * — A++, 100/100. An all-time classic wrestling match. A groundbreaking or transcendent pro wrestling package. Something so good, you’re not sure you’ve ever seen a thing that good. Something that will be talked about for years. Verne Gagne/Lou Thesz, Ric Flair/Ricky Steamboat, Bret Hart/Steve Austin.
4.75 * — A+, 95/100. An incredible and classic match that either didn’t connect quite at the level of an all-timer, or had some kind of minor flaw that slightly detracted from an otherwise flawless performance. (*Smells own farts for days*).
4.5* — A+, 90/100. A classic match, one that perhaps should be celebrated, pimped, watched at various nerdy social gatherings of wrestling fans. An unquestionable match of the year candidate, but not necessarily a transcendent or groundbreaking match.
4.25 * — A, 85/100. Something that is a safe and solid A-grade. Arguably a classic.
4* — A-, 80/100. A great match. Above average. Something that isn’t *quite* a classic, but is visibly great.
3.5* — B to B+, 70–79/100. Close to great, but maybe not quite there. Not life changing, but a solid time.
3* — C to C+, 60–69/100. Slightly above average, possibly because of lowered expectations. A good, fun, or surprisingly fun or good wrestling match. Lots of 2017–19 Miz in this 3* range.
2.5* — D to D+, 50/100. An average professional wrestling match. The standard fare.
2* — 40/100. Slightly below average. Bad, but not without its charm.
1* —1–20/100. Muchly below average. Just bad.
DUD — 0/100. An awful and irredeemable wrestling match.
Negative stars — An affront to the professional wrestling business. Please stop what you are doing. Don’t ever show me this video again.
(Negative stars will be given on a case-by-case basis)
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Two more general notes about how we rate matches here at Sportsfap:
1- It seems that most people, namely Dave Meltzer (who we mention not to take shots, but only because he is the preeminent wrestling reviewer who has ever lived) rate only the bell-to-bell in ring action. They observe (~!) the combination of stunts that are performed once the bell rings, analyze the athletic feats presented before them like an Olympic gymnastics judge, and give a grade based on the collection of wrestling moves they saw that day, and nothing else.
We (I) think of it a bit differently, and perhaps incorrectly, who’s to say. To our mind at Sportsfap, the commentary of the match matters, the angle they used to build the match matters, the interviews before and after the match matter. The things that occur before and after the match help to inform the match itself. It all matters. You can use a combo of all of those things.
I find it myopic to just look at the bell-to-bell action of a wrestling match, and say “well it would have been ***** but the Canadian Dragon botched that 360 spinning tombstone, so it’s only ****3/4”.
2 — When we look back on older matches, we will do our best to put ourselves in the mindset of the time. In 1989, Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat didn’t care about how their match would look in 2019, and they shouldn’t have, as that would have been completely insane. But they did know how the 1980’s went, and they were actively trying to top everything that had ever happened in a wrestling ring previous to them. We’re not going to watch a match from 1987 and say “that didn’t hold up”. We’re gonna try to tell you why it was awesome in 1987.
Now, standards do get raised with each great performance, and they have of course been raised significantly from 1900–2019. Modern matches have a higher bar to clear than a match from The Long Long Ago. More accurately, the things that made a match great in 1950 don’t necessarily make a match great in 2019.
Make sense? No, why am I doing this at all, what is my life becoming? OK!
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So what makes a professional wrestling match good? It’s a fun debate actually. There are 5* matches based purely on bell-to-bell ring work. There are also matches that get a boost based on the build-up to the match, the commentary during the match, and everything else.
At the end of the day, wrestling can be boiled down to two (or more) performers going out in front of a crowd and creating something out of nothing. What makes a wrestling match good is the theatre of it all, the athleticism, the work that went into producing it, the logic behind it, the meat and potatoes in the ring, and the seasoning around it. The spectacle of professional wresting. All of it matters.
