The Me Before My Illness
My husband and I go to my mother in laws to visit and do our laundry about every two weeks and for some reason the last few weeks my mind keeps going back to how much I used to be able to do-the me before I got sick. When I was in High School, I used to work with a lady in my ward who cuts hair and would walk what was apparently almost 3 miles from the High School to the salon she runs. Every day after school I would blast my music and walk all the way there to work for a few hours before getting a ride home. To some it may not seem like much, and to me back then, it was easy. I enjoyed it. But while driving passed it awhile ago, it occurred to me just how much I was able to do before. How much healthier I was back then.
No, this isn’t a post about me feeling bad for myself, although I have been struggling with it lately as my health seems to be getting worse day by day. This, as strange as it may sound, gives me hope. Yes, I am sick. Yes, I may never be the energetic person I once was, but maybe I can someday get even 1% more energy and someday start pushing myself farther. When you get sick, after a while it becomes almost easy to sit around and not do much, first from the pain, then slowly, so slowly sometimes you don’t even notice at first, it becomes a habit.
As it has gotten colder outside and my muscles tense up and groan whenever I try and move, I still try to do even just a little every day. Some days that means only going from my bed to the couch and back but there are some days where I can make it outside into a chair and sit outside and try and let the fresh air clear my head.
I used to spend all day on the computer and once I was situated on the couch I rarely moved. Now I am able to sit up in bed and read and maybe to some it isn’t really that hard but, for me, it helps me feel like I am being more productive. Reading and learning (I am currently teaching myself ASL) instead of mindlessly watching season after season of the same shows over and over.
This post is everywhere, and I apologize. But it’s me, and its real.
