3 Simple Rules of Toilet Paper Etiquette
How to prevent marriage disputes, bathroom wars and mishaps
Every time I replace an empty toilet paper roll, I think of my husband and chuckle.
He had a toilet paper rule. A rule I didn’t learn for the first half of our 42-year marriage. In my defense, how can you follow a rule you don’t know exists?
Rule 1 — It’s OVER, not under
It was a routine day. My husband exited from our downstairs half-bath tucked under the stairs. Waving a full roll of toilet paper in his hand, he walked toward me ready to explode.
“Honey, can you PLEASE put on the roll with the paper coming over the top, not under!” he said with a high level of exasperation.
“Okay,” I said, looking up from the couch, a little surprised by his tone. He rarely spoke with such annoyance.
“I didn’t know it made a difference,” I added innocently.
“It does,” he pointed out with intensity, “It’s more sanitary over the top!”
“I honestly didn’t know,” I sheepishly replied. “I promise it’s over the top from now on. You just had to tell me.”
The law of averages meant, for years, I was installing our toilet paper correctly 50 percent of the time. But I was wrong the other 50 percent. Never after that day.
However, it was a telltale sign of my husband’s patience. He said nothing for two decades — 20 years before his tolerance finally wore thinner than single-ply toilet paper. Only then, he approached me.
It was beyond his comprehension that I didn’t know “the rule” — toilet paper is always installed with the end coming over the top. Was I raised by heathens?
No. I grew up with a different toilet paper rule.
Rule 2 — If you use it up, fill it up
I was one of four teenage sisters, growing up. Our teenage years were full of petty arguments, particularly when our parents forced us to share. But there was one exception.
If you use the last of the toilet paper, you must replace it.
The four of us shared one bathroom. A reality that made bathroom decorum paramount. We all abided by the rule to always replace the toilet paper.
Rule 3 — Always, always, always check
It only takes once, being caught without paper, to learn this rule. It’s especially true when using a public toilet.
Always check for toilet paper before sitting down.
Be prepared with backup options. Carry tissues in your purse. And come to the aid of someone caught in a stall that has no paper. It’s the polite thing to do. You never know when that could be you stuck in a stall.
And if you are among my family or friends and find your toilet paper roll now unwinds “over” the top, I confess. I have been known to change an “under” roll when encountered.
What can I say — my husband made me do it.
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