Creating New Senses of the Happiest Time of the Year

Back in my teens, I remember watching romcoms around Christmas and New Year’s Eve. They often said, “It is the happiest time of the year.” I had heard that before but it’s in my teens that I started wondering.

A part of me would think, “Of course, it’s the happiest, since I have my birthday in December, and it’s close in time to Christmas and New Year, and I always get presents, and it’s always so exciting.”

My mom and my grandparents, indeed, were really generous about gifts. I don’t mean in an expensive way. They were just thoughtful. I felt that.

I believe we could read that somebody cared even when we’re kids (especially those who no longer believe in Santa). They were trying to make it all look happy and warm even when it wasn’t that easy for them, which I am endlessly thankful for.

On the other hand, I saw families having an intense time during the holiday season. Families of my friends, those I saw in movies, and, finally, my own.

I remember questioning myself, “Why would they do that? Why would they spend so much energy on this if they don’t want to have a nice time together?”

I didn’t know the answer back then. But I know it now.

It’s not that people don’t want to spend a good time with each other. It’s that their perspective of what is good and how to achieve it differs from the perspectives of others.

Most families don’t spend much time together outside of holidays. So, when they get together and all the hustle of the preparation is behind them, those perspectives collide.

Unwrapping the past

According to the Fortune’s survey, from 46% to 57% of respondents among gen Z and millenials said that they had experienced heated conversations in their families during holidays.

I recall some conversations back in middle school about how everyone spent their holidays. And it was, at least, a few times that I saw how my peers were trying to hide shame and look brave, but I still could sense it.

For every kid, understanding that family arguments aren’t unique is critical. Those adults could look mature but inside they would fall into states where they are 5 years old and there’s no adult in the room.

It’s unpleasant. It’s a pity. But for a kid, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s conflicts that adults are unable to resolve, and it’s their responsibility.

Some of us still carry a heavy burden of shame and anxiety about holidays from childhood. From 15% to 17% respondents of the same Fortune’s survey also said that they lost touch with their families because of some arguements that happened on one of the holiday gatherings.

Breaking up contacts doesn’t always end this story about unpleasant and often painful experience. We bring that shame and anxiety to the families that we build, and altogether it has an influence. Not a desired one.

Taking a look from the outside can help. First, I need to realize that it wasn’t my fault (as a kid).

Secondly, it wasn’t my responsibility to fix relationships in my family.

Thirdly, I can start creating my own sense of holidays. I’m not in the position of living in the story of my family. It’s time to write my own story.

Rituals and senses

Thousands of years ago, our ancestors found value in repeating certain sets of actions over time. Those repetitions then formed into rituals.

Over time, those rituals have been forming, gaining different structures and decorations. Most of them are attached to religion. Some of them are not.

Now, we have those rituals and we have a knowledge that they can be useful. We can use this knowledge to our benefit.

Whether I’m a religious person or not, I can still learn from taking a pause in my routine and connecting with myself and the people I love. Because this is what most of the rituals have been about.

I’m not obligated to strictly follow any particular algorithm. But I can learn how to follow wisely, building on the knowledge of my ancestors what works for me and my loved ones.

Before that, I should learn more about rituals, and gain an understanding of how people have used them throughout the documented history. Equipped with this information, I can start playing around with them.

I may begin by asking questions. Now, that I know more about holidays and the rituals behind them, what do I want this to be for me? What can I create from this?

I may benefit from taking a pause and reflecting on my life. I might also be able to strengthen my connection with people I love. Or, maybe, I’ll use this time to develop spiritually. It might be something else, as well, and I need to find it out for myself.

When I manage to create my meaning, it will impact people around me. Not forcefully and not epically. They may feel just a bit more relaxed and joyful around me.

Final word

We can create new senses and transform existing senses when we take responsibility for creating our own story. We can involve other people in this process, which is a liberating and constructive power.

Happy New Year! Create new senses and preserve those that help you make the best out of your life!