I Learned Two Simple Lessons About Motivation the Hard Way
My epic quest to upgrade my life.
I was brought up to believe I was a piece of shit.
My father died when I was six years old. My mother, as well meaning as she was, was terrified that her four children would grow up arrogant and cocksure.
“What will everyone think?” — My mother.
Her parents instilled in her misunderstood Christian values that took biblical quotes out of context.
“Blessed are the meek.” — Matthew 5:5 To her meant “Be a doormat for everyone and God will bless you.”
“Pride goes before destruction.” — Proverbs 16:18 She took as “Self-love will end in disaster.”
You get the idea…
Of course, these interpretations were ridiculous.
But those were her beliefs. She felt it was righteous to be downtrodden.
It seemed her life mission was to chase out any hint of confidence, ambition or hope from my thoughts, lest I be resigned to an eternity of eating shit in hell.
Despite this constant witch hunt, from the age of ten, I recognised instinctively there was more to me than I was showing. So my epic journey to upgrade myself began.
My quest begins.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make any self-improvement efforts stick.
I’d grit my teeth, make a vow to spruce up my life starting tomorrow (because it’s always easier tomorrow, right?), then fall flat on my face two days later.
I tried to eat healthier, exercise more, save money. You name it and I tried it. Anything to become a better version of myself. Failure after failure.
Then, I got lucky.
Fast forward to when I was 21 years old, working as a carpenter.
My boss, a kind man, noticed my struggle and lack of confidence (who woulda thought?)
I actually hated myself and was generally screwing my life up from the inside out. A poor self image will do that to you.
I quit, but he refused to accept my resignation. That left me scared and confused. What now?
In response, he gave me a book (The Power of Positive Thinking, by Norman Vincent Peale). He said he’d practiced what the book contained and suggested I read it and see how I felt after that.
The door to a new life opens.
Well, I did read it. I devoured it. It was completely unlike anything I had heard before.
What do you mean I can be somebody?… Really?
I can actually believe in myself? I can achieve goals? I can be happy? Holy shit, this is different.
So I gorged it like a dog on a T-bone.
I devoured the knowledge, confidence and feeling of hope this book gave me. It was like I was seeing the world through different eyes.
I bought another book with similar information — “Set goals, you can do it, think positively, believe in yourself.”
These ideas germinated in my soul. Hope for a better future sprouted.
I managed to pull some weeds out of my mind and planted a few flowers.
My work performance improved. I gained a spoonful of confidence and set about chasing a life that was completely different from the drudge I previously believed I was destined to live.
Then the door blows shut.
I bought yet another book, keen to learn more, be more, have more.
Again and again I bought more books.
Chasing more know-how, more motivation. So many books…
I craved more knowledge, more inspiration.
I felt motivated. I was like a steel spring ready to jump. Get outta my way, I’m gonna leave a mark on this planet!
But there was always another book, course, or speaker to listen to.
“I can’t start yet. I need to learn more.” Does this sound like you?
I’d put my grand plans on hold because I was always chasing that beautiful dopamine hit that comes on when you gain an exciting new perspective and see outstanding possibilities.
“If you motivate an idiot, what have you got? A motivated idiot.” — Jim Rohn
I had the motivation to succeed. I was a motivated idiot.
I did nothing with my newfound insights.
Standing at the edge of the diving board, I was pumped, but too scared to jump. I hungered for even more information. More motivation. Have you been to that place?
Life passed me by.
The years trundled on.
I pursued a career in boxing, got married, had children, got a mortgage, got fat, got bald, got a job I hated, got divorced. You know…the standard life.
It didn’t work out how I wanted. Why didn’t I succeed like the people in the books?
Now I hated myself for an entirely different reason.
I was an underachiever. I’d wasted my life.
I, indeed, was a piece of shit.
The books had opened the curtain to what’s possible, and instead of putting that knowledge to work, I sat on my motivated arse studying how to improve. Do you do that?
My frustration and anger ruined what should have been the best years of my life. I tried to follow recipes for success that were unachievable. Methods that required more than I was capable of.
Geez, if I’d have only invested the money I spent on books & courses over the years, I’d be frickin’ Richie Rich.
The cycle continued from twenty-one years old to sixty-one (that’s about forty years, by my count). To a large extent, I lost touch with reality. I pursued instant success — a quantum leap type change. I hunted for shortcuts.
The success I chased eluded me… Bugger.
Then, an epiphany!
After four decades, the planets aligned… An epiphany.
Actually, two epiphanies.
- I came across an old, out of print book by Vernon Howard called Action Power.
Its theme boiled down to “nothing changes until you take action.”
Just get into action and let my subconscious takeover. Like riding a bike. Don’t let my feelings dictate my actions. Start riding and adjust along the way. - I then read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olsen. Its theme was “Do small achievable actions daily, and in time, results will compound.”
Not a bad approach, as it turns out.
I reflected on my occasional successes in life, and it confirmed what these men taught.
My victories hadn’t come from extraordinary motivation, detailed planning, or endless goals like the books suggested. I’d accomplished these by taking small actions without overthinking.
I’d got started… and did my best.
Simple… It took a long time, but I finally got it.
The two biggest lessons I learned.
I’ve now adopted a whole fresh approach to navigating life. To summarise it’s this…
- ACTION TRUMPS EVERYTHING.
Don’t overthink — get started.
Nothing changes without action.
Make adjustments on the go. - LITTLE THINGS ADD UP.
Start with small, daily actions.
Trust the process.
Progress = happiness.
“Little drops of water and tiny grains of sand,
make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land”. — Julia A F Carney
So that has been my experience. A forty-year search ending in two valuable lessons. I don’t mean to bash the self-improvement industry, in fact, I’m now part of it and I love it, but I want to warn you that if you want your life to be better: You have to stop chasing motivation at some stage and replace it with real action, however small.
My life now.
Using these two simple methods, I’ve managed to
- Transform my eating habits (I now fast sixteen hours per day).
- Strip off 13kg (28lbs) so far.
- Sleep eight hours a night regularly.
- Start an online publishing business (was tempted to call it an “empire” but it may be a tad early yet!)
- Exercise five days per week.
- Turn my financial situation around.
- After all these years, my life is finally on track.
My experience might just save you from wasting your life, too.
Get after it…
