Why Living With Your In-Laws Isn’t the Worst Thing
It has its perks
A year ago I posted a story called The Real Problem of Living with My In-laws, which got decent attention.
I’m not going back on my word with this story, but another year in this marriage has led to many revelations, deeper connections, and new learnings.
So here goes:
1. You get free childcare
This is by no means universal in Indian joint families. But the good ones do support you throughout your pregnancy, through postnatal care, and — if you’re lucky — well into your child's teenage years.
This must sound like a dream to Americans, considering the high cost of any babysitter, childcare facility, or creche in the US.
I don’t have kids yet, but I see the kind of support my sisters-in-law get, and I feel they lucked out.
2. You get financial support
As bizarre as the concept of living with your parents is in the West, it’s a blessing in the era of post-COVID economy meltdowns.
Living with your family means not paying rent, and sharing the cost of groceries and home utilities.
Also, when one person in the family is struggling financially, the other quickly picks up the load.
I don’t think I would be able to finish my Doctorate if I didn’t have all these privileges. My husband shares the costs of running a household with my father-in-law allowing me to continue studying until I get a job.
3. You share the kitchen responsibilities
I don’t know how people manage cooking three meals a day, working or studying, and finding time for themselves outside of all that too.
The duties are neatly divided in our home.
My mother-in-law is an early bird. She wakes up between 4–5 am and has the highest energy during the morning.
She cooks breakfast and packs lunches.
I heat the lunch curry and make some fresh chapatis at noon.
In the evening, I’m at the peak of my energy levels so I make dinner for the family.
So far, so good.
4. You get unconditional family support
When the going gets rough, you always run home. But for us, it means the next room.
It’s not always easy to handle the throes of life, even with your partner by your side. My husband and I appreciate the love we get from our family during those times.
Sure, privacy is an issue in joint families. You’re never alone until nighttime maybe. But if you have an understanding family, draw your boundaries, and communicate well — it's a win-win.
Needless to say, this is not the norm throughout India. More and more people are starting to live separately from their parents for jobs, college, or just out of choice.
I’m lucky that my husband’s family accepted me as they did. I cannot say the same for millions of other women who are treated poorly, and forced to change everything about themselves to fit into the mold of a perfect daughter-in-law.
However, by sharing my experience I only want to make the idea of living with your husband’s parents a little less bizarre to the world.
