How Kink Can Be Cute: 6 Sex Toys That Are Perverted Yet Adorable
Kink doesn’t have to be all black leather and shiny metal. Here are 6 of our favorite toys that make the dungeon a little brighter — and even kind of cute.
After you’ve been to a few dozen dungeons, sex parties, or BDSM conferences, it’s not uncommon to conclude that lots of kinky people take themselves way too seriously. The unabashed creativity and transgressiveness of kink is what draws many people to the community in the first place, but after a while, it can start to feel like you’ve just swapped Hallmark cards and wine for a monochromatic world of black leather and silver chains backed by a soundtrack of Nine Inch Nails and Sisters of Mercy.
No matter how kinky you are, everyone can use a little whimsy and playfulness sometimes. Even if you’re so kinky that you’ve lined the inside of your refrigerator with black garment leather, even if you’re so damn goth that you have the entire Bauhaus back catalog tattooed onto your left aorta, there’s sure to be a point where you just need to start spreading some primary colors around the place.
So as a reminder that just because something is cute doesn’t mean that it can’t be kinky as hell, we’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite toys that will bring a little bit of color into your naturally wicked perversion.
Leather Bunny Hood
Is there anything more outright cuddly and adorable than a bunny? Probably not, but no one says that you can’t be cuddly, adorable and kinky. If you ever want to take Easter back from the candy companies and back to its ribald pagan roots, you clearly need to have one of these on hand; they’re for the bunnies who are ready to venture to places that their renowned cousins at the Playboy Mansion only dare whisper about.
Other than being a very cool conversation piece, the Bunny Hood is extremely functional. Made from soft garment leather, it’s great for keeping sensory deprivation play comfortable for the wearer. The neck strap is made of Latigo leather and has a lockable buckle so that a particularly wicked dom can make sure that the sub stays in “bunny space” until they say otherwise. If you’re stuck for roleplay ideas, maybe it’s time to pull out your old copy of Watership Down and look at it in a new way.
Rainbow Unicorn Horn Dildo
Because Rule 34 is a real thing, it’s almost certain that somewhere out there, someone has already founded a brothel or house of domination that caters to fetishes for Lisa Frank-type imagery of unicorns and rainbows. Wherever they are, they no doubt have dozens of these things stocked up. They probably have a subscription that delivers a gross of them every 60 days.
The Rainbow Unicorn Horn Dildo is a newcomer in our inventory, and every time we pick one up, we’re transported into all sorts of wicked fantasies. Unicorns are one of the most blatantly Freudian creatures in mythology. According to medieval legend, the way to catch one was to have a virgin sit under a tree and the unicorn would come to her, lay its head in her lap, and go to sleep.
These aren’t in any way reserved for virgins. On the contrary, they’re a great example of how having a little experience under your belt can bring new life to your old fanatasies.
Extra credit reading assignment: To really get into the role, we recommend that you read “The Unicorn and the Rainbow,” Greta Christina’s classic smut story about a drunk, heartbroken unicorn having rough sex with a rainbow behind a sleazy bar. You’ll never look at unicorns the same again. Or rainbows. Or…. anything, really.
Five-Color Ponytail Glass Butt Plug
Of course, unicorns are fabulous and magical from one end to another, so to properly get into the role, you’re going to need a tail to match that beautiful horn. Fortunately, the folks at Crystal Delights have made a name for themselves by making high-quality butt toys designed to let your inner perverted princess run rampant. This is just one example of how much beauty and unabashed fun a quality butt toy can be. The plug itself is made of a solid, shock-resistant borosilicate glass, so it can stand up to very enthusiastic frolicking.
But the really fun part is the tail: Made of high-quality synthetic hair, it’s available in bright rainbow colors or more subdued pastels. The tail is one of the most flamboyant, expressive parts of a pony’s persona, and whether they have a horn or not, this beauty will take them far beyond the ordinary.
The Jawbreaker Gag
Want some candy? If you’ve been thinking of ways to finally do that Willie Wonka-themed D/s scene that’s been stuck in your head for the last decade or so, this needs to play a starring role. Instead of the classic rubber ball, this gag substitutes a festively-colored jawbreaker for the sub to suck on.
Even if you haven’t secretly been planning that scene where Violet Beauregarde finally binds and gags Wonka and then works him over with a flogger for putting her through the wringer (literally), it’s much loved by gag aficionados in general. For the sub, it has a much sweeter taste than rubber or silicone; for the dominant partner, it tends to trigger a lot more salivation and drooling. Plus, you don’t have to wash off the gag when you’re done.
It’s worth noting that the drool can be a double-edged sword: Yes, it can be very hot, but we recommend that the wearer be kept upright at all times and that you keep an eye on them to make sure the saliva doesn’t start going down the wrong tube and cause breathing problems.
The Teddy Love Plush Bear Vibrator
At some point, we’ve all had a beloved stuffed animal that we loved to snuggle up to on a cold, dark night. The genius of Teddy Love is that he can snuggle back. Pinching the bear’s right ear triggers a powerful motor in the snout that you can use for some high-power snuggling.
We’d be lying if we said that there aren’t some people who look a bit askance at this one. The minute it hit the market, the Teddy Love attracted a lot of snark from the media in the form of numerous “Look what those crazy perverts have cooked up now,” clickbait pieces. For a lot of people, Teddy Love falls right into that Uncanny Valley between “weird kinky fun” and “Ewww.” But navigating that valley for greater pleasure is what kink is all about, and Teddy Love also has an enthusiastic following who appreciate the touch of sweetness and affection that he brings to sexual play.
Pink Speculum
This might be stretching the definition of cute a little: There is almost no way that you can make a speculum “adorable.” Generations of gyno patients have learned to look at it with everything from resigned distaste to outright loathing. Nicknames for the speculum range from “the duckbill of death” to “can opener of the cervix.” Of course, that kind of apprehension and ambivalence is fertile ground for incorporating something into a sexual fetish.
Picking up a pink speculum for your next medical scene might not make it cuddly, but it does make it a little friendlier and less alien. Think of it as the toy you want to have on hand when you roleplay “Barbie’s Malibu Dream Gynecologist” instead of the classic “Perverted Mad Doctor” scenario. Imagine Ken kneeling at her side, devotedly doing her nails or massaging her scalp while the doctor gently and considerately performs a pelvic exam. We’re still working on finding an exam chair with pink leather upholstery and comfortably-crafted stirrups. (If you do this, you might want to look into seeing if you can get one of the participants to dress up in the classic “Cockring Ken” look.)
Those are just a few of the ways that you can make your kinky scenes a little cuter. What have you used, or what would you like to see to put a little more color into kink? Let us know in the comments!
