Strike Hard and Deep: Lady Scarlett Sin on Using Psychology for Great Impact Play
Even for those who have never been inside a dungeon, impact play is one of the most recognizable features of BDSM. No matter what your level of experience, everyone can immediately conjure up the classic image of a leather-clad dom/me standing over their sub with a paddle, riding crop, or whip in hand.
But of course, impact play is a much more complex and subtle skill than simply hitting another person with an object. In addition to the obvious concerns about safety, impact play requires a fine understanding of your partner’s body, their limits, and the materials that you’re using. One thing that’s often missed is that it’s just as much a mental experience as it is physical.
This Saturday, Lady Scarlett Sin comes to Stockroom University for a workshop that takes on both the physical and mental aspects of impact play. With degrees in psychology and social work, Lady Scarlett has put a lot of thought into making an impact that goes far beneath the skin. She gave us a little time to talk about the basics before her class.
What makes a great scene? Can this theory apply with any play partner?
Scenes obviously change from one to the next with a myriad of different variables affecting the play and outcome, but what is universal is the preparation of skill, education, communication and dedication one has towards understanding the physical, psychological, and emotional aspects of what they bring, what they wish to take away and how they understand, channel and make space for the interlude of energy between themselves and whom they play with.
You mention using psychology as an aspect of play. Are there some guidelines on how a new Top might practice this form of Dominance?
One of the key elements in almost all forms of BDSM play is the theory of operant conditioning. Being able to recognize behaviors and finding mechanisms to either increase or decrease the likelihood of that behavior occurring is paramount. One must also approach play understanding that the motivations for why people like what they like are far ranging. As a practitioner, the ethos of “do no harm” must always be present, so effective methods of both verbal and non-verbal communication must be developed and fostered to be not just an effective player, but one that can earn the reputation of being caring, trustworthy and skilled.
After getting toy consent, is there a best order for using those implements in a scene with your partner?
I usually try to steer away from checklists and scripts of any kind. A very wise femdom friend of mine taught me that in negotiating play, one of the best questions we rarely — if ever — ask a potential bottom is “how would you like to feel?” That is an excellent starting point for building upon the technical skills developed to use multiple implements and find the arc that best fits the type of play that bottom wishes to engage in.
For those on a budget, it also can go a very long way to wisely choose their purchases so that they can have the necessary assortment to take their bottoms on the path which they wish to go.
What are some of the common mistakes you’re seen happen during scene negotiation?
One of the most common mistakes I see is a lack of effective communication. Whether that be not communicating how consent will be attained and reaffirmed through play, to how one relies mainly on conscious communication of words or hand signals and less so on non-verbal body language.
A huge pet peeve of mine is people playing “above their pay grade.” I spent almost a year practicing with my single tails before I ever touched skin with them. We need to understand that the thin line between desired hurt and traumatizing harm can sometimes be just one wrist flick away, and I implore people to take the time to learn, practice, communicate and repeat, as with anything, time spent building one’s skills will only benefit them and their partners in the long run.
Tell us about the favorite items in your toy bag. Is there an item you cannot live without?
Well as those that know me know, I am very partial to my snake and bull whips. There is no more quintessential item that is more associated with BDSM than the single tail whip, and it strikes fear in the minds of many. I thoroughly enjoy introducing people to it (on both ends) as most don’t realize that it can be a delicate and sensual instrument just as it can be one of ear shattering and skin tearing destruction.
Often times when I need to center myself and return to a place of harmony, I will find a space in which I can “dance” with one in my collection having it be a supersonic extension of my body and soul.
How can students best prepare for your class?
First and foremost, bring an open mind. Be willing to challenge yourself. We all begin somewhere and no matter if you just walked in for the first time, or you are a multi decade veteran, we are all perpetual students. Be ok with the fact that we all have that capacity to make mistakes and learn and grow from them.
And remember. Ask questions, as the only stupid question is the one left unasked.
Saturday, August 19th: The Art of Impact with Lady Scarlett Sin
12–2pm
$20
2121 W. Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles
Lady Scarlett Sin gives an insightful and in-depth understanding into the numerous elements of impact play. From the psychological and physical effects to the practical choosing of the right materials, toys and communication, this class will provide attendees with a deeper understanding on how to plan, craft and implement a truly impactful scene.
