“It Doesn’t Matter” — a Stoic Hack for Being Equanimous
Not caring is a Stoic Art for finding Ataraxia and Equanimity
“To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden,” wrote Seneca before his suicide.
“It doesn’t matter” are the most essential words I have learned in my 41 years.
Do I realize that I don’t know, I’m not there, I can’t, I don’t have it, or I’m not ready? Well, it doesn’t matter.
Can I make a fool of myself or make a laughingstock? It doesn’t matter.
Does no one trust my abilities? It doesn’t matter.
Have I failed again? It doesn’t matter.
Have I done something I wasn’t supposed to do? It doesn’t matter.
A key concept that transcends everything
And it’s because it takes you straight to equanimity.
“What you give to the body, you soon lose, but what you give to the soul, you keep forever.” — Epictetus
Is my competition better than me, or am I better than them? It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter. It’s not laziness nor a form of nihilism; it’s not ignoring others or pretending the problems are not with you. Those well-used words mean you’ve overcome the critics’ barrier, either for one side or another. It means that you are galloping on a thoroughbred along the path of your truth. It is to finally acquire a commitment to deal with yourself and to practice the only authenticity that matters to you: that of doing what you said you would do and that of saying what you did. And do it not just to say it but because it is what reverberates from your soul outwards.
Do you not like me? Do I make you uncomfortable? Do I seem too ______________? It doesn’t matter.
Do you think I’m extreme, intense or _________________? It doesn’t matter.
Should I do less of this and more of that? It doesn’t matter.
Could I make a better living doing things differently? It doesn’t matter.
Do I have few or many days left to live? It doesn’t matter.
Am I still making the same mistakes? It doesn’t matter.
Should I be more alienated before you met me in person? It doesn’t matter.
Could it seem like I don’t practice what I preach? It doesn’t matter.
Am I doing an experiment that doesn’t make sense, or am I not finding exciting results? It doesn’t matter.
Do I lose more than I win? It doesn’t matter.
Do I quickly get distracted every time I meditate every day? It doesn’t matter.
Do I need help finding a solution? It doesn’t matter.
Am I frustrated, nullified or blocked? It doesn’t matter.
Should I be more creative? It doesn’t matter.
Am I unable to apply the Stoic teachings I acquired? It doesn’t matter.
Is my mind sabotaging me? It doesn’t matter.
Do I feel less than the rest, or do I not feel worthy of ______________? It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if it’s either positive or negative
Now, this doesn’t just apply when you go through negative moments.
“If a person doesn’t know to which port they sail, no wind is favorable.” — Seneca.
Did I do something that made me advance faster than usual? It doesn’t matter.
Have I been successful? It doesn’t matter.
Has my company invoiced 60% more than the previous year? It doesn’t matter.
Do I appear on a list that says I am a reference or influence in ______________? It doesn’t matter.
Do I receive praise and praise? It doesn’t matter.
Do I meet a person I connect with like I’ve never connected before? It doesn’t matter.
Do I find an absolute focus that helps me enter a state of flow? It doesn’t matter.
Do I think I am better because I have learned to master myself? It doesn’t matter.
Was I more productive today than yesterday? It doesn’t matter.
Am I recognized and sought after by _______________________? It doesn’t matter.
Was I able to charge for my work ten times what I charged five years ago? It doesn’t matter.
Am I going to die? It doesn’t matter.
The day you learn to be who you are and feel that the only thing that matters to you is being true to your principles and yourself, that day you understand the true purpose of “It doesn’t matter” (or even “I don’t care”)
Adopting “it doesn’t matter” as a white belt mentality and lifestyle neutralizes everything that can hurt and harm you, external and internal.
It doesn’t matter; it’s unstoppable like nothing else. It doesn’t distinguish between good and evil because it understands that such extremes do not exist.
“It doesn’t matter” is even-tempered because it understands nothing is permanent; everything changes, especially perspective, interpretation and feeling.
Only four things matter: this moment and what you are doing with it, you (and everyone else), what moves you and how this impacts the people around you, and what you can change out there that is entirely within your reach.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” — Marcus Aurelius.
You are allowed to not care about it; that’s being stoic. Do not get distracted by unrelevant preferences or favouritism.
More about practical and modern stoicism
Read about the 17 stoic mantras I learned when I practised stoicism for a year. Or listen to this interview with Massimo Pigliucci about how to be a stoic and live a good life — or this one interview with William B Irvine about the Stoic Way, the path to living a great life.
Here, you will find more than 250 video lessons about Modern Stoicism applied to everyday life (Spanish language with English subtitles). Only if you practice and speak Spanish can you get a copy of my last book about Modern Stoicism: The School of Modern Stoicism.
And then, only if it resonates, you might consider listening to my podcast, The 1% — Disrupt Everything, where I interview the 1% of world-class disruptors of all kinds (with alternate episodes in English and Spanish)
