Eternal Reward

-Hey.

-Hmm?

-Hi. Are you awake there?

-Errrh…

-I thought you looked like you were coming to.

-Yeah, I guess. I’m cold.

-Yeah. That’s how it is.

-What do you do about it?

-You forget about it eventually.

-Really? I feel like I’m going to freeze my tits off.

-Hah! New people are funny. I guess since I’m the only one available, I should welcome you and congratulate you!

-What for?

-You’ve joined the immortals. You are one of the most favored by the gods. You have been saved from death and elevated to dwell among the stars.

-Oh, nice. Thanks. But I’m cold. Is there a thermostat?

-No.

-And I can’t seem to move my arms. I wish I could just pull my sweater over my shoulders.

-Oh no, you are eternally exalted in the form the gods have chosen for you. You can’t change that.

-What do I look like then?

-I’d say you’re a human being.

-Brilliant.

-And you have one arm raised over your head. Or maybe it’s a bow. Are you a famous archer, perchance?

-No. Nursery school teacher.

-Arm then. And you’re riding a steed. Maybe a horse or a panther. Do you have memories of taming great cats? That would be a heroic feat.

-I have a moped.

-A moped! Did you capture it in the wilds?

-It was my ex’s, and I kept it when he moved out. I told him, ‘You can have it back when you give me back the two years of my life you wasted.’

-Ahh. Well you also seem to have a wineskin under the other arm. It’s hard to tell. You just have to guess where the gods are drawing the lines. And even then… heavens forfend they should give us a little hint. Being a god means never having to explain yourself, or at least that’s what some of them think.

-Wine, you said? I could use a glass. Or a bottle. How much does a wineskin hold?

-One gulp for a hero like me — or you! But enough for two or three normal men.

-So what did you do to end up here?

-I was the greatest hunter the world has known. I did not hunt animals, I hunted species. I could not be at ease until I’d killed every one. I slaughtered every creature that breathed on the island of Crete. And I fought the Boar of Megara and defeated it.

-The Boar of Megara?

-Yes. The… Boar… of… Megara… And I became beloved of a goddess — Artemis. She delighted to run beside me in the day and to rest beside me and whisper gently of kill shots and exposed entrails and exsanguination under the moonlight. She would have wed me and brought me to live on Mount Olympus but for her oath to remain a virgin. So she loosed an arrow that pierced my skull and ended my mortal life. But in her anguish and her passion and her grief, she lifted me up to dwell here among the stars.

-She loved you?

-Yes. Truly.

-And she killed you?

-She had no choice. Her oath, you see.

-So does she visit?

-She came once.

-And?

-She said it wasn’t the same. It was difficult for her to see me like this.

-But she put you here.

-Out of love. I treasure that thought.

-And now she doesn’t like the way you look? Is it all about the bod with her?

-I had mighty thews, it’s true. But no, she said I was acting all funny about being dead, and it felt too weird after she killed me. Then she said I was too clingy because I cried. All I did was cry once. Is that a reason to abandon someone for eternity?

-No, no it’s not.

-Oh, don’t listen to me. We are the most fortunate among mortals. We are blessed. I just, sometimes when I think about her, I get a little… you know.

-It’s okay. Don’t… Don’t… There there… Where are the other, uhh, constellations like us?

-Many have grown quiet. We have eternity, so a few thousand years of silence is nothing. We used to talk, but I asked them all to join me in composing and performing a choral work exalting the gods, and some of the others didn’t want to join. They said they were in a cold version of hell and had nothing to celebrate.

-It is cold…

-For a few centuries, I tried to convince them. I pointed out how high we are here, how large in the sky, how lucky to be made of points of light and imaginary lines connecting those points to make weirdly jagged shapes that might resemble our earthly forms if you just squint a bit. I even composed the first twelve movements of our work of praise and thanks and sang it to them. After that they’ve been quiet. I believe they are thinking about how to accept my proposal without losing face.

-Sure. Don’t blame yourself.

-Why would I? Do you want to hear it? I’ve added another 57 movements. I call it “The Music of the Spheres.” It goes-

-Let’s save that for later! So, they’re all quiet except for you?

-It’s a temporary condition. I think in another millennium some may come round.

-What do you do-?

-Oh, I contemplate the gods, and I compose my hymns of praise, and I look down on the earth. It is the existence of the blessed.

-No, I mean, what do you do if you have an itch? My shoulder is going nuts, but I can’t move my arm to scratch it.

-It’s cosmic dust blowing through you. You get used to it.

-So we just sit here and talk and wait for cosmic dust to blow through?

-And watch events unfold on earth! The great pageant of history and destiny, the ultimate expression of the will of the gods, our great and glorious masters.

-Where? Where is earth?

-If you look down, between those two stars that are the left foot of that cranky Cassiopeia. (Don’t tell her I said that.) Do you see it?

-It’s like a blue dot.

-Yes!

-It’s just a dot. Can you see what’s happening?

-If you stare for a very long time, sometimes you will notice that it gets darker. That means either civilization has grown to cover more of the earth, or a volcano.

-So we stare at a dot for fun.

-I also enjoy boasting of my feats. Have I told you that I slew the Boar of Megara?

-Yes, you mentioned that.

-Oh. Then tell me about you. What feats brought you hither?

-Umm, I don’t know. I always thought I was pretty normal.

-You haven’t dueled with creatures of Tartarus?

-No. Are you sure there’s no way to make it warmer?

-No. Have you freed an eternally imprisoned titan? Or held the weight of the universe on your shoulders?

-I was the community service rep in my sorority in college.

-Very good! What else? What is the last thing you remember? Often the moment of death makes a life heroic.

-Oh, yes. I hadn’t thought of that for some reason. I do remember now. I was late for work. I’d let my ex stay over — stupid, I know — and he wanted to talk in the morning. So I was rushing, but you know the moped maxes out at 18 miles per hour.

-Glorious!

-Right. I was just getting to the parking lot when I saw Jason getting into a car with his dad. Jason’s in the four-year-old room. But he’s little, and he never really clicked with the other kids. He just didn’t seem to be able to connect, though he watched them play. I spent a lot of time with him; we were working on social skills. Well, I knew his dad was on the no-access list. We’d all seen his picture. We all knew he wasn’t allowed near Jason. Some kind of abuse thing; they didn’t tell us more. So I knew who he was when I saw him pull Jason in that car. I saw Trude yelling from the play area, trying to get someone to help. But the tires squealed, and the car with Jason shot out. I tried to block the exit on my moped, but the car didn’t slow down.

-Ahh, you were trampled by the horses pulling the car. A warrior’s death.

-I guess. Here I am…

-Among the blessed. Let me sing my hymn of praise! Hmm… Hmm…. I just need to warm up my voice…

-So anything happening down there on the dot?

Originally published at https://www.thestoneslide.com.