And The Beasts of the Forests Shall Speak _Tamil and Sanskrit
Animal lovers rejoice. God has promised that he will make animals speak. God, for those lacking faith, is someone who looks like a mere human, and goes by the name of Nithiyananda, aka
H.H.Sri Nithiyananda aka Swami-ji Nithiyananda. Of course as a God he has infinite spiritual powers, but modesty makes him claim only 400. He has garnered a huge following, in India as well as internationally. One of his many achievements is the ability to open the third eye_ like Lobsang Rampa, remember him? Except the Leicester plumber had no credentials. His followers can be trained in distance vision_ the ability to see clearly what is happening at great distances away, even in other countries, body scanning_ as performed by Captain Kirk in Star Trek. He speaks of witnesses who can testify to these feats, although when he offers to bring them forward his supporters shout him down with cries of, Swamiji we don’t need proof, we know!
Obviously a man _ a god _ of his ability and power attracts obloquy and slander. The media writes derogatory and lying articles about him, calls him a charlatan, a conman, an exploiter of poor uneducated masses, and disgrace of disgrace, a thief! They claim that he has $1.5 billion stashed away in offshore banks. If true, where’s the harm? He is a god after all, and has expenses. Worse, they accuse him of being a libertine, preaching chastity on the one hand, and indulging in dissolute activities with the pretty devotees following him. They went to the length of showing a video of the god having sexual congress with the Tamil actress Ranjitha. He vehemently maintained that it was a fake, and instead talked of his blameless life of meditation and abstinence. A god could have intercourse with the prettiest angels if he chooses, he laughs. But the media insisted that he was filmed by a devotee of his,his own chauffeur, who left the movement in anger when he found evidence of hypocrisy. Can a god be a hypocrite? The tapes were scrutinised and experts agreed that they were genuine. He explained that he had only been trying to protect the reputation of Ranjitha, and gave a very powerful explanation why their physical relations were not to be viewed in the same light as those of two humans. This gave rise to some tasteless jokes about Rosemary’s Baby, which did not make him lose sleep, he laughs.
Now he has given notice that when all his preparations, involving an App of his design, are concluded, he is going to invite the media to come witness him making monkeys and cows speak. Before you book your flight, can I gently remind you that if you have no Tamil or Sanskrit, you may not understand the wisdom of monkeys and bovines.
