Dreams and Doctors
Between Confusion and Discovery
I had another deep dream the other night. This one was especially significant because Dad was in it. Whenever he shows up in a dream, I pay close attention. I’m usually pretty certain that it was him visiting me. He always said that he would, and he has been true to his word, through the years. I’m pretty sure he’s been around, of late.
I’ve tried, but can’t quite recall many of the details of this dream, though the feel of it was quite vivid upon awakening. I was all dressed up — like, in a tux kind of dressed up. Everyone else was, too. There was a lot of comings and goings, everyone getting ready for some big event, and I had gotten confused about whether I was supposed to be riding with Dad, or with Kathy. I was looking around for the right car, and I couldn’t find it. At one point, I started heading towards some cars that were parked beside a church, but then realized they were there for a funeral. Wrong event — I knew I wasn’t going to a funeral, so I steered away from them.
I was feeling like I might completely miss the event, whatever it was, due to my indecision and confusion, then I awoke — so, whatever it was, I definitely missed it. I wound up having a nice, deep meditation, with especially vibrant music as a guide, then I had my 7th session with the counselor I am seeing. We’re still in a kind of getting to know me mode, it seems.
I told him a few things that I’ve only told a handful of people in my life, and he thanked me for trusting him enough to tell him what I told him. We talked a lot about the time I went AWOL from my ship, and about my best friend dying when we were 24. That came up because it was significant towards my finding a true purpose for my life, which before that, I really didn’t have a clue. At the end of the session, he laughed and said, “You’ve sure led an interesting life, Pete.”
That I have. That’s one of the reasons I became a storyteller. So many interesting stories happen around me, it’s all I can do to keep up with them all, and try to write a few of them down.
It’s just, there are times when the storyteller loses his way in his own stories, and needs a little help figuring his way back to his truly authentic story. The one in which he belongs. That’s why I’m seeing the good doctor. I’ve learned that there’s no shame in getting a little help to find your way, when you find yourself a little lost. After all, would the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, or the Lion ever have found Oz without Dorothy and Toto, and each other, to help find it together?
After that, I went into work, and promptly felt a migraine coming on. I pushed through the damned migraine until I’d sat through all five meetings I had on my calendar for the day. After the last one, I finally said, “Enough!”, surrendered, and left early to come home and give it a break.
I’m still feeling it today, so I’m taking it easy and not going into work. There are times when I have to re-calibrate my stress management strategies, and this seems to be one of them. Whatever I’m doing, it’s not working to keep ahead of the stress levels of the work. Sometimes, like these, I feel like maybe I should be looking at retirement options. But, I really don’t think I’m there, just yet, and I have to remind myself that this too shall pass. I hope.
