Elvis and the Hornets

Preparing to go to war with the hornets — suiting up for my first revenge match, with leaf blower in hand. I would arm the other hand with a hose, and tried blowing/drowning them off the car port.

I am not a man given to violence. In fact, I am generally a very committed nonviolent individual. Ever since my older sister intervened in a fight I was getting ready to start with the school bully, to get him to either shut up or put up, and lectured me on how violence is never the answer, that there’s always a peaceful way to resolve issues, I’ve been a nonviolent individual — 99.9 % of the time. Okay, maybe it’s a little less than that — but, it takes a lot to get me to go there.

On my second ship in the Navy, it took a seven month cruise without my best buddy, and without my best drugs, and very few opportunities to get drunk, to bring out the violent side of my nature. Fortunately, I didn’t act on what I was ready to do when I snapped. I did something else, and stayed out of trouble — a fortuitous choice at the time.

Once, I had a knock-down drag-out fight with a brother that left me feeling so much worse than I thought it would. It was supposed to be that fight where I finally won, after losing every fight I had with him up to that point. But, it didn’t feel good — not at all. Worst feeling I had, just about ever. That’s when I really dedicated myself to nonviolence — it just wasn’t worth it.

But, today — today, I snapped again. It was a pretty normal day, bordering on fantastic — first day back from a great week at the beach, running around doing errands, getting the house stocked up and straightened up. At one point, as I got back from Costco and was wheeling a load of groceries and what-not into the house, through the Car port, I thought I would put the cover to the grill on the grill. It had blown off at some point, and was laying on the deck.

As I went to pick it up, I was suddenly aware of sharp jabs occurring all at once, all over my body. Hornets! I had disturbed the hornet’s nest, which was inside the grill cover. I’m not talking a dozen, or even a hundred — there were droves of them, flying out of that cover, and all coming after me. I immediately dropped it and high-tailed it off the deck, around the front of the house, down the side, and into the backyard, swatting, ripping my clothes off as I went, furiously brushing them off my head, trying to protect my face, while they just kept stinging me, repeatedly.

Ready to apply the final solution — armed with weapon of mass hornet destruction

I’m happy to say, I am apparently not greatly allergic to them. Oh, I have many a swollen spot on my body — all over my body — but, not terrible reaction, other than the persistent stinging that I still feel, nearly eight hours later, and the itchies like you wouldn’t believe. I did manage to doze off, earlier, but kept waking up from dreams of being attacked by hornets. It feels real, because I can still feel them like they’re still stinging me. My right ring finger is swollen and hurts down to the bone, and all up the back of my hand.

You want a war — I’LL GIVE YOU A WAR!!! I immediately prepared for war. Armed with a leaf blower, a hose, and covered from head to toe (I found my Elvis head mask, which covered my head and half of my face, perfectly), I commenced to try blowing and hosing them off the car port. Didn’t work. They kept coming back. I can’t verify this, but they might even have been laughing at me. Only, it wasn’t funny. I was pissed!

Finally, I went to Home Depot and got the deadliest, killingest, lethalist looking weapon of mass hornet destruction they carried — I got two large cans of it, just to be prepared. I proceeded to spray both cans in their entirety, all over the car port, and down on the grill cover, that I had managed to toss over the side of the car port while I was hosing and blowing them back, down into the back yard.

We’ll see if the chemical manufacturer’s claim that it will kill the entire nest is true. If not, I am not opposed to getting ten cans on my next trip, and emptying them all until my car port is declared a hazardous waste zone. I don’t care. Those hornets must die, or go away on a permanent vacation. They are no longer (nor were they ever) welcome here.

May they rest in peace.

Amen.

The Story Hall

A gathering place for stories to be told, read and appreciated.

Hawkeye Pete Egan B.

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Connecting the dots. Storytelling helps me to make sense of this world, and of my life. I love writing and reading. Writing is like breathing, for me.

The Story Hall

A gathering place for stories to be told, read and appreciated.

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