Starting Over
Bad habits can be extremely hard to break. We have our own thinking to overcome first. Thinking that can be against our well-being and success in life. Thoughts that tell us “we can’t” or that “we can try again tomorrow”.
This piece is about growing successful later in life, as we become older adults. The piece is about hope and that it is never too late to pursue a life beyond your wildest dreams. Even after you cashed in your chips, and thought life was over, you can still achieve success in your life.
At age 46, I heard an older gentleman exclaim, “you can change anything you want” and that it did not matter how old you were. This gentleman was convicted to serve a life sentence in prison and was the definition of hopeless, at least by the definition the judicial system had given him.
Upon his release, he had a spiritual awakening and felt called to serve others and turned his efforts into self-actualizing himself and becoming a productive member of society.
He had received two Master's degrees, without any undergraduate diplomas. I was quite impressed by this and continued to turn my ear up to what he was saying. I questioned if “I too could experience self-actualization?” Hell yes! As long as I’m alive, I can achieve anything I set my heart toward.
He voiced about mindset and how there was NO cap you could put on future success. He then stated, “being alive is all that is required” and until “you are dead in the ground”, you have an “opportunity to seize!” — WOW!
It was in this moment, my perception started changing about myself, my capabilities, society, and this world I am a part of.
I had become extremely jaded from my music career. It had taken its toll on me. I was in a complete state of despair regarding any hope for success in my life. I was tired and exhausted!
I was a dropout from school and received minimal education. The only literature I read was Rolling Stone and Thrasher magazines (for the pictures).
I eventually turned my heart toward American Fiction writers such as the greats: Mark Twain, Nathanial Hawthorne, and my favorite writer William Faulkner. This is another story altogether because I still wasn’t motivated toward higher education or business success yet.
My friend's message motivated me to look into pursuing my degree. Again I want to emphasize that I had completely given up trying to go any further than the music gigs that were sucking the life out of me.
Asking and Receiving Help
Despair is defined as a complete loss of hope. Screaming “NO MAS!”, as you possibly can’t take anymore.
As we get older, it is very easy to fall into complacent habits and start practicing anti-social behaviors, eventually falling into isolation. It can feel like doom.
Isolation can exist even when we still have some socialization happening. It does not mean, I locked myself into a closet away from the world. We can be isolated and exist among the masses. It's a frame of mind and an emptiness of the spirit.
When we can surrender stubborn habits and admit the above description of what can be considered failing, we can start can find hope through others. Mentors, friends, and literature are all ways to learn new methods of achieving greatness.
This growth might be a slow process. That’s ok. We have to get used to doing the physical actions it takes to grow into our positions:
- Being honest about where we are.
- Pace not a race. Don’t expect instant results. Grab a seat by the window and watch the sessions change.
- Ask for help from those with experience.
We have to be in a posture of humility in order to experience growth.
Detoxing the Routine
Detoxing old behaviors and routines is the starting ground for change. To experience change is to experience loss. You surrender something old, for something new. This can be painful, especially for individuals that stand complacent and non-motivated to push forward.
My personal experience showed I needed a full overhaul if I was going to persevere at this stage (age) in my life.
This included dieting, exercise, words of affirmation, meditating, seeking teachers/ mentors, and most importantly a spiritual surrender to put my faith and service back into my church and build a family there as well.
I eventually followed the advice of a mentor, who was the White House Addiction Specialist, to go back to school. He gave me all the info I needed to walk out the door, after our conversation, and get completely set up for a two-year ride that would change my life.
Throughout my tenure at Grand Canyon University (GCU), I maintained a 4.0 GPA for part of my time there and graduated with honors in psychology. There were days I woke up with my brain swelling and even endured a breakup from a 9-year relationship.
You have to choose your battles and from my experience, you need to be ready to apply everything you have in your fiber to succeed.
Success is defined as the good or bad outcome of an undertaking (Oxford Dictionary). For me, it's the relationships I cultivate and my quality time spent with them and God.
The important thing in this message is that we are talking about success, later in life. I turn 50 years old in two weeks. Every second of my time is spent doing healthy activities, conversations, working on my business, writing, and going to the gym, but my time spent in the word of God trumps everything.
I set aside time in the morning to meditate on my bible. To graft my day in scripture. To set my motivation to love and serve others.
This is success. This is the art of aging happily ever after.
