Formative Years
Geoff Dutton started it, then Susan Holland had a stab. What excuses do I have not to pick up the baton?
Geoff wrote about Abner Dean, who I had never come across. Since we on Medium are an international community, I thought I would write about what was, probably the book which moulded the more frivolous part of me. The Almanach Vermot. Every year, around the New Year period, this French publication appeared in our local bookshops, and people who could afford it (not too many) paid 3 Rupees 50 cents. At first we could not, but our rich
neighbours did. Then, when I turned eight or nine, my big brother Ahmad finished high school and started earning a living as a civil servant _ a much-prized position in life. And, as was usual in those days, most of his earnings went to the family. We started wearing shoes, eating meat, had satchels and fountain pens, and he got magazines for the family: Life Magazine, Readers’ Digest, Popular Psychology etc…. And of course the Vermot. Until now, I had only sneaked peeps at the “rude” cartoons, of which there was one for each of the 365 days of the week, when I went to play with the rich neighbours who had everything. It took me weeks to discover what the caption for a cartoon showing a couple on a mountain top (translated): So you took me up the mountain for that and now you tell me you’re too tired.” I developed my taste for humour from the cartoons and jokes of the Almanach. There were horoscopes, pieces of geographical or geological interest, but I do not remember reading a single article.
One of the best jokes I know, which I came across 60 + years ago is this one: In the compartment of a train, an austere dignified man, another one with a kind and humorous face, and a young man not yet twenty are sitting in silence when suddenly the young man asks: Do either of you gentlemen know the time? The kindly man shows that he has no watch, but the dignified man, who clearly has a watch in his waistcoat pocket attached to a chain, looks sternly at the young man and shakes his head. When the young man goes outside for some fresh air, the kindly man decides to air his disapproval of the reaction of his companion. It wasn’t a lot to ask, he points out, all he wanted was to know the time, and you have a watch. Perhaps it doesn’t work? No, assures the proud owner taking it out to show the other fellow, it works all right. Loses one second every three days. Then why? Very simple, answers the man with the watch.
Let me explain carefully: This young man begins by asking me for the time, right? If I answered him, he’d start talking about the weather. So, what’s wrong with that? his companion asks. Ah, next thing we’re talking politics, then the sky, the trees outside, and we get talking unguardedly.
Well, what’s wrong with that? Man is a social animal …
I’ll tell you. Knowing my good heart, I find him sympathique, and one thing leading to another, I ask him to come share a meal with my family.
And wouldn’t that be a good thing?
No, the other man says. He comes to my home, and you bat an eyelid, and he starts courting my daughter.
Ah, young love, sighs the kindly man.
Young love nothing, monsieur. They fall in love, and in a matter of weeks, he asks me for her hand in marriage.
Well marriage is a noble institution.
No, sir, this young man won’t do.
The kindly man stares at him blankly.
You understand mon ami, the dignified man continues, I’m never going to allow my only daughter to marry a fellow who doesn’t even have a watch!
