Honesty
“When I’m deep inside of me
Don’t be too concerned
I won’t ask for nothin’ while I’m gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn?
Cause you’re the one that I depend upon
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you
Billy Joel, Honesty
Chapter Five of AA’s Big Book, entitled “How It Works”, begins like this –
“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.”
I’ve recently had a bout with honesty, or should I say, dishonesty, deceit. It wasn’t pretty. The statement above, from the Big Book of AA, sprung to mind. I pondered the phrase, “constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves”. Was that me? I had to ask. I was asked.
What I came up with was this — no, I don’t think I quite fit that phrase. I was honest with myself. I just wasn’t honest with you. I chose not to be. I would slightly rephrase the statement thus — I am constitutionally capable of being dishonest.
I like to think this means that I am not naturally incapable of developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. I am perfectly capable of doing so. I just have to choose to, and then follow through on that choice with honest action. Rigorous honesty. Don’t take the easy way out, and dwell in surface honesty, while deep down, I am filled with deceit. That will only make me fit nicely into the lyrics of another song from the 70’s — “one thing you can’t hide, is when you’re crippled inside.”
Honesty — I need it. I want it. I need to give it. Honestly.
