How to handle freedom
Or: no more umbrellas
How do you start structuring your life when there are barely fixed marks left? How, in other words, do you handle freedom?
I have recently quit my job. Only a handful of years ago, I would never have thought myself capable of living this kind of uncertainty I am now facing in my new life, and even feeling good about it. But the truth is: I was ready. My wings needed space. Something inside me would no longer be confined.
During the process of leaving and letting go, I realised that up till now, I had always worked for institutions or organisations in ways that resembled sheltering under an umbrella: it meant being somewhere ‘safe’, almost like being with a parent. Doing my work and being paid for it, but no final responsibilities, and a safety net.
Now, I am in another place completely. There are no more umbrellas or safety nets. But I frankly don’t care. I am so ready to face anything that the wind blows my way, but most of all: I am ready to marvel at the skies.
But.
I return to my initial question: how do I handle this new freedom? How do I structure my days and make sure that you get enough of everything done: writing and other paid work, correspondence, household chores? How not to run all over the place, shapeless and diluted like a puddle of water?
In the short span of time that has passed since I was at the office for the last time, I have found out that the nagging little voice inside my head can whip me into a fearful frenzy, if I let it.
I have learned not to grant it that much space. Instead, I try to do what I intended from the start: marvel at the sky, and interact with everything that comes my way and feels genuinely interesting. One day, it can be a lecture tour for high school students, the next it can be my laundry basket.
I am still not entirely inhabiting the sense of ‘being free’. Perhaps that’s because I know very well that adult life comes with responsibilities. On the other hand, I know life can be the most amazing trip for those who dare to step off a cliff in good faith that the thermals will carry them. I have had enough proof of that in my life to know exactly how it works.
So, big, beatiful sky… here we are. And here I come.
