Kicking Bad Habits

Near Skagway, Alaska — 2013 HPEB

They say it takes 28 days or so to shed oneself of a bad habit. I’m 20 days along towards that goal with one I decided I could no longer afford the price of. I can see where they say that. The desire to do what I’ve chosen to no longer do has become less compelling, less insidious in its clandestine way of sneaking up on me, trying to overwhelm me with its justifications and rationalizations.

Juneau, Alaska — 2013 — HPEB

I committed to no longer feeding it 20 days ago, and while it didn’t seem to believe me at first — now, it seems to understand that I really don’t want to go there anymore. It still peaks its head into my psyche — not always in the way of a thought, more often in the physical manifestation of the compelling desire to just do it, already — only now, it seems to be less whole-hearted in its attempts. It backs down quicker, seeming to say, “Oh, yeah — you’re not doing that anymore. I don’t understand it, but whatever, dude — sorry to have bothered you with this.”

Tracey Arm Glacier, Alaska, 2013 — HPEB

But, that said, I know it will probably make a full-court-press, no-holds-barred, last-ditch-effort at getting me to break down and just do it. Bad habits have a way of doing their best to stick around, and not be left behind.

At least, this one seems to be being a good sport about it. I think it wants me to remember it with fondness. That’s just not going to happen. I’ve seen the damage it’s capable of doing, and made a decision that I no longer want those consequences in my life, or in my psyche.

The Yukon Wilderness, 2013, HPEB

I was thinking it was an addiction, but I think that was giving it more credit that it was due, more power than it deserved. It could certainly become that, if I didn’t break the cycle. I’ve seen what that looks like, and that is one place I do not want to go.

The solution of getting over it is the same as getting over an addiction. Understanding that will power will not beat it. Just a decision that I can no longer afford to do it, and opening myself up to whatever the universe might provide to lead me to a better place, and give me enough time away from it that the desires to do it stop sneaking up on me.

Tracey Arm, Alaska — 2013 — HPEB

The help has been coming in many different manners and forms, and the tools to begin building better habits in its place. Instead of focusing my energy on resisting the lure of the habit, I spend more of it focused on the development of better, healthier, and more sustainable habits.

Eight more days, and I’ll be past the 28 day mark. One day at a time, this habit is slowly receding in the rear-view mirror of my life. Adios, Amigo. It’s been a hell of a ride — a true HELL of a ride. You won’t be missed.

The Story Hall

A gathering place for stories to be told, read and appreciated.

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Hawkeye Pete Egan B.

Written by

Connecting the dots. Storytelling helps me to make sense of this world, and of my life. I love writing and reading. Writing is like breathing, for me.

The Story Hall

A gathering place for stories to be told, read and appreciated.

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