LONER

Susan G Holland
Jul 25, 2017 · 3 min read

Musings from a conversation with my daughter, who was never alone, and thinks that loners are selfish, and uncaring about taking on commitments for themselves and others:

What makes a person a loner?

Why did I get to be a loner?

Am I selfish? Am I irresponsible and untrustworthy? Where is the line between being antisocial and being a cheerfully individuated person?

These are the questions.

I have some possible answers, and think I have satisfied at least myself about my loner-prone choices. But that may not satisfy all you other people.

1, Miracle baby
2. First child
3. Female
4. Fascinated with nature
5. Investigative
6. Hyperactive
7. Smart
8. Tomboy
9. Artistic (music, art, dance, literature)
10. Athletic excellence
11. Skipped a grade to begin with
12. Won things at school and elsewhere.
13. Adventurous
14. Defiant
15. Emotional
16. Daring
17. Naughty
18. Sensitive
19. Romantic
20. Reflective = introspective
21. Resentful of punishment and discipline.
22. Seeker of spiritual truth.
23. Uncomfortable in crowds.

The list above is the first thing that comes to mind. My proclivities.

There are stories that come with all the elements on the list above. From the very beginning of memory, and even from stories told about things I have no personal memory of. I find the stories delightful and agonizing both. I happen to like the me that lived my rather lengthy life (I’m going on 60 right now.)(CORRECTION: going on 80!!)

Does that make me narcissistic?

But I was not always a cheerful soul — there has been a lot of depression in my life. Because of all the things in that list above.

Does that make me bi-polar?

I have a bunch of labels that have been and/or are still attached to me. It’s handy when I want to Google something to find things out. The computer is a favorite thing of mine because it is like the perennial parent who is willing to tell you answers (valid or not so perfect) to any question that comes to mind.

Happily, it usually tells you that “all the information is not in yet.”

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Walt Whitman wrote Song of Myself. I think it’s time I really read that masterpiece. He was searching, I believe, for the same answers I am looking for. Including whether being a loner is an okay thing.


“…Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems, You shall possess the good of the earth and sun, (there are millions of suns left,) You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books, You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me, You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self.”

— — Walt Whitman , Song of Myself

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Susan G Holland

Written by

Ever curious, I wonder, I ask, I probe, I learn, I write. A grateful 80-something, still discovering the brand new day.

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