New Counselor
Let the Adventure Begin!
That Objective Perspective
So I’ve begun to see another counselor. A couple weeks ago, it just felt like it was time to get back into it. With so much change that has happened in my life in the past 6 months, now that my head is beginning to stop spinning, I figured some counseling might help me to sort through all of the changes. Just a little help with that objective perspective I’ve come to value from counseling.
I’ve been going through a growing discontent with my current job. It probably has a little to do with the longer commute, the fact that I’m not getting any younger, and that I’ve been with the same agency for 36 years, now. I might just need a change.
In the past ten years, I haven’t stayed in one position for longer than two years, even though I’ve been with the same agency. I’ve been in this one for a year and a half now, so maybe I’m just feeling the itch to move on to something different, even if it’s with the same agency. I heard of a possibility last week, and got a little excited. I’ve actually prayed that I am considered for this other position that’s opening up.
Hell, I got excited when I got notified by mail last week that I’m in the jury pool for selection to a federal trial jury in the eastern district of Virginia. Excited about the potential for jury duty — that might tell you how interested I am in my current job! Plus, you never know what case I might land in a jury pool for the Feds. Put me in, judge! I’m your guy.
Continuing What Was Started
Back to the counseling discussion — I was seeing Stephen for two years, every other week for the last year and a half, after weekly appointments the first six months or so. He retired in July, a couple months before we moved. It’s occurred to me that while I was done working with Stephen — I might not have been done with my need for counseling. I have been feeling the need for something along these lines, lately.
So, I found Howard when I went online looking for those in our “network” down here. So far, I’m thinking he might be the right one. I’ll keep going back every Wednesday evening as long as it feels like it’s worth my time. It’s only a $25 co-pay, which is very affordable right now. Since we moved, we’ve found we can afford a lot more, as our overhead is much lower down here. (That was a big reason we decided to move — to reduce our monthly overhead costs).
Howard’s new to the area like me, which I like. In our first session, he asked if I owned any firearms. This was after I’d disclosed how I’d had two periods of my life where I was suicidal. I had to laugh, but understood why he had to ask. I loved it when, after I told him I didn’t, he exclaimed, “Wow, I never thought I’d meet another Virginian who, like me, doesn’t own firearms.” Yes, it can get a little red-neckie down in these here parts. I decided I liked him after that.
Last week, on my second visit, he gave me some homework. I had to look at some terms related to “cognitive distortions”, and write down my thoughts about them. I actually had some fun with that. I especially liked the “magical thinking” one.
It will remain to be seen whether I develop as close a relationship with Howard as I did with Stephen. He wound up being kind of a father figure to me, something I was not expecting, nor looking for, but found quite refreshing and right on time. I don’t think Howard will fill that type of role, even though he is a little bit older than me. Maybe he’ll wind up being more like an older brother. Or, maybe just a counselor! We’ll see where it leads. I see it all as kind of an adventure. I love adventures!
Self-Made Man — Not!
I’m not one of those guys who needs to feel like he can figure it all out on his own. A favorite line from a Stephen Stills song, “Church (A Part of Someone)” that always resonated with me is, “And you know that the self- made man, babe, is truly shallow, He knows he’s no one but who he wants to be.” I got that line. I was once that guy, and believe me, it was a shallow existence, being only who I wanted to be. Today, my life is very full, as I am part of many different people, and they’re all a part of me, on a variety of levels. Life’s a lot better this way, for me, anyway. My life has a lot more we than me in it. It’s much more fluid.
Getting Through the Mid-Winter Blahs
Even though it has been an incredibly mild winter here, I am also experiencing a bit of the late January, mid-winter “blah’s”. I have a lot of activities that counteract them, but they are there, for sure. I think last winter was the first time I ever allowed myself to acknowledge that I do suffer from a little bit of seasonal affective disorder. That was a major admission for me, as the Pittsburgher in me scoffs at such folly. Hell, growing up, I never saw the sun until we went to Atlantic City that first time, when I was 9! While I am being a bit facetious, only slightly so. Pittsburgh still doesn’t get a ton of sun these days, but back then (in the 60’s) the steel mills were in the final throes of their hey-day, so we saw much more smog than the sun.
Most previous winters, at least for the past 8 years or so, I’ve had my writing to pull me through these winter doldrums. I still have it, but I’m just not as fully engaged with my writing since we moved, in September. Every time I think I’m getting back into it, it winds up being a false start. I’m not upset about this, or even panicking — I’ve just had a lot of distractions, called life. I’m looking for that sweet spot between the extra commuting time, the need for a good night’s sleep, my social life, and figuring out where to squeeze that needed couple hours a day for writing and reading.
Lots of material to hash through in my sessions with Howard. I’m thinking we’re not going to get a hell of a lot of mileage out of my homework assignment — most of the terms outlined on the sheet no longer really apply to me and my thinking, though many once did. If he insists on harping on them, then maybe he won’t be the one. I had another counselor, once, who needed to frame everything in the family dynamics, even though what I was struggling with then, at work, had little to do with family dynamics. I tolerated her slant for a while, then just stopped going. Right after that, they moved me into a new position, and the issues I was having abruptly stopped — until I had time to develop new issues in the new position, which I surely did.
I hope to make good use of my hour a week with Howard, but I don’t see where dwelling on irrelevant cognitive distortions will achieve that. For now, I’ve humored him, and did the homework. Now we’ll see if he’ll humor me, and allow these sessions to be something that I find useful. The potential is definitely there.
