Of Lemons and Skin
Sometimes, life has a funny way of simply saying “Shut the F*** up and just look and listen for a while, m-f’er!”, and if one is wise, one listens when it says that. It matters not where one finally gets the message from — more than likely, life’s been trying to get it through to you in one form or another for a little while, by the time you finally get it.
I tend to be a bit dense, at (most of the) times. Dense, but not asleep. Dense because I’m so busy chasing my own thoughts around my brain, my senses for simply being, listening and observing become a bit dulled.
Dense because I’m working on a script that was relevant some time ago, but stopped being truly relevant, to me, for a while. I just didn’t notice, because I’ve been so entertained by it, so bound and determined to squeeze every last drop of life out of that aging lemon, I haven’t noticed the truckload of fresh lemons waiting just outside my door.
The two-by-four upside the head method works well for me — after about the third or fourth whack. What do you want from a guy whose first memory is getting his face smashed sideways by a baseball bat — and that’s one of the good childhood memories?
So, I sit, and I watch, and I listen. There’s some healing that needs to transpire, that is happening while I’m watching and listening. I can tell, because it’s very uncomfortable, and hurts a lot at times, but it’s a good hurt. It’s a hurt that tells me that I am alive. I am a feeling, thinking human being who still can feel life.
Growth stretches the areas that had lain dormant for a while, and that is so uncomfortable. Yet, to me, it feels good. It’s good to know I’m moving into a better me. New skin.
I was getting tired of that comfortable version. There’s still enough evidence around of the dead skin that I’m slowly shedding. I suppose I’ll eventually be ready to shed this new skin I’m growing, too.
But, not today. Today, I’m just trying it on for size. It still needs an adjustment here, a little toughening there. Soon enough, it will feel like a fit.
That feels like all I have to say about that. I still have a lot of cleaning up to do. A lot of dead skin laying around.
