Old Friends, New Friends, Battle Scars and Healing

You Never Know When New Opportunities Might Come Along

Hawkeye Pete Egan B.
Nov 6 · 6 min read
The lovely grounds outside historic Chatham House, photo by me

An Old Friend

Driving home from work on Friday, my friend Doug called. “Hey, you never call. You know I have ADHD — I’ll forget about you. I don’t want to forget about you.” I laughed — I know that would never happen. Over the past four years, Doug has become one of my closest friends. We have one of those friendships where, I felt like I’d known him for a long time, the first time I talked to him.

The Rappahannock River,with Fredericksburg beyond, roughly where the Union crossed to invade Fredericksburg in 1862, as viewed from Chatham, photo by me

Battlefields

From that first conversation, it seemed inevitable that we would be hiking come Civil War battlefields together, and that has happened, numerous times. We’ve made three trips to Gettysburg together, several tours of both battles of Manassas (First and Second Battles of Bull Run), and last year on Veterans Day, we did the Battle of Antietam. Doug is an excellent battlefield tour guide himself, but also knows some of the best expert guides, and is always lining up tours for us and several other friends who are into it.

Chatham House, photo by me

Reconnaissance

I did some reconnaissance on Saturday. I started at the Chatham House, which is but 2 miles from my house, a place with much historical significance. The invasion of Fredericksburg by the Union forces was launched from there, and it was variously used as a headquarters, and as a hospital, during the war. Doug had told me about a park ranger who is the local historian who wrote the preeminent book on the Battle of Fredericksburg, Frank O’Reilly.

Sky View, photo by me

First Annual Pete Walk

I got him to sign my newly purchased book, “The Fredericksburg Campaign — Winter War on the Rappahannock”, and found out the itinerary for the weekend of the anniversary of the battle. It’s going to be filled with meaningful activities, beginning at Chatham on Friday the 13th, touring the battlefield on Saturday, then culminating in a “walk” from the docks on the Rappahannock up to the battlefield on Sunday. Doug has proposed that we do this annually, and call it the “Annual Pete & Friends Walk”. A carload of guys are planning to come down, stay with us, and do the Civil War thing that whole weekend. I’m quite excited about it, as is Doug.

Rendition of where the union crossed the Rappahannock on pontoons, from Chatham, photo by me

New Friend

Speaking of history, at the first N.A. meeting I went to in Fredericksburg, I ran into a guy who is deeply into the history of N.A. J. was chairing that meeting, and was the one who made me feel so welcomed that I had decided to get more involved in N.A., which has continued since that day, about a month ago. J. has become one of my new N.A. buddies, really a pretty remarkable guy. He’s going through a lot of the usual struggles that someone goes through in their first few years of recovery, but his enthusiasm, and love of the history, has created a quick bond between us.

History

See, I began a process back in 1982, compiling the history of N.A., that has become kind of a way of life for a number of N.A. members, including Joe. Back then, it was like pulling teeth to get anyone the least bit interested in it. I had come across a tape, in the move, of a talk I gave at a convention in 1983 in Memphis, about my efforts to work on that history. It is evident from that talk that I wasn’t getting a lot of cooperation from members with my efforts. Now, they have regular conferences and workshops at conventions to talk about the history.

A drawing of me from my N.A. Literature days, drawn by Gina S.

Back to the Beginning

It’s so strange, but beautifully so, that I now find myself drawn back to where it all began for me, kind of like a full circle. Of course, being back there, some old feelings are bubbling up, and I am becoming aware of some of the issues that I was running away from when I left there. Feelings I had long since buried, moved on from, and never looked back. It feels like a chance for more healing. I am availing myself of this opportunity, to heal more.

Healing Old Scars

I’m finding that life is like that — we incur scars as we go along, and sometimes run from things we can’t, or are not equipped, to handle at the time. However, at some point further down the line, we can always go back, after having acquired some better tools, and face those things we once ran from, and allow them to finally heal. In the process, it sometimes feels like you are ripping open an old scar, and your initial reaction might be to let sleeping dogs lie, turn around and do what you did then — run away from it.

Exploration and Friendship

But, I no longer do that in my life. I don’t run away from that which makes me uncomfortable. I’ve learned there’s a reason for my discomfort, and I take the time to explore that — kind of like touring old Civil War battlefields — there might be something there for me to learn. There might be something that still needs to heal.

The Story Hall

A gathering place for stories to be told, read and appreciated.

Hawkeye Pete Egan B.

Written by

Connecting the dots. Storytelling helps me to make sense of this world, and of my life. I love writing and reading. Writing is like breathing, for me.

The Story Hall

A gathering place for stories to be told, read and appreciated.

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