Old Friends, New Friends, Battle Scars and Healing
You Never Know When New Opportunities Might Come Along

An Old Friend
Driving home from work on Friday, my friend Doug called. “Hey, you never call. You know I have ADHD — I’ll forget about you. I don’t want to forget about you.” I laughed — I know that would never happen. Over the past four years, Doug has become one of my closest friends. We have one of those friendships where, I felt like I’d known him for a long time, the first time I talked to him.
We both had connections to Pittsburgh, Connecticut, and the Civil War. His dad was the original owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins. His mom named the team. He lived in Connecticut for awhile. That first conversation happened to be about the Civil War. He quickly figured out that my great grandfather and our friend Doug C.’s great, great uncle were on opposite sides of the Battle of the Wilderness, where Doug C.’s ancestor got shot and killed, while my great great uncle Gust Hager got wounded in the side, and his little brother, my great grandfather Martin Hager, saved his life when he stayed at his side staunching the wound.

Battlefields
From that first conversation, it seemed inevitable that we would be hiking come Civil War battlefields together, and that has happened, numerous times. We’ve made three trips to Gettysburg together, several tours of both battles of Manassas (First and Second Battles of Bull Run), and last year on Veterans Day, we did the Battle of Antietam. Doug is an excellent battlefield tour guide himself, but also knows some of the best expert guides, and is always lining up tours for us and several other friends who are into it.
When we learned we were moving down here to Fredericksburg, Doug got very excited — “oh, Pete, there’s so much Civil War stuff down there!” We’d decided we would organize something around the anniversary of the Battle of Fredericksburg, which took place on December 13th.

Reconnaissance
I did some reconnaissance on Saturday. I started at the Chatham House, which is but 2 miles from my house, a place with much historical significance. The invasion of Fredericksburg by the Union forces was launched from there, and it was variously used as a headquarters, and as a hospital, during the war. Doug had told me about a park ranger who is the local historian who wrote the preeminent book on the Battle of Fredericksburg, Frank O’Reilly.
I asked the volunteer at Chatham about Frank, and he showed me the book in the store — I promptly bought it — and told me that Frank was working out of the Chancellorsville battlefield site that day, so after touring around Chatham for a bit, I took the 20 minute drive out to Chancellorsville, where I was able to meet with Frank O’Reilly.

First Annual Pete Walk
I got him to sign my newly purchased book, “The Fredericksburg Campaign — Winter War on the Rappahannock”, and found out the itinerary for the weekend of the anniversary of the battle. It’s going to be filled with meaningful activities, beginning at Chatham on Friday the 13th, touring the battlefield on Saturday, then culminating in a “walk” from the docks on the Rappahannock up to the battlefield on Sunday. Doug has proposed that we do this annually, and call it the “Annual Pete & Friends Walk”. A carload of guys are planning to come down, stay with us, and do the Civil War thing that whole weekend. I’m quite excited about it, as is Doug.

New Friend
Speaking of history, at the first N.A. meeting I went to in Fredericksburg, I ran into a guy who is deeply into the history of N.A. J. was chairing that meeting, and was the one who made me feel so welcomed that I had decided to get more involved in N.A., which has continued since that day, about a month ago. J. has become one of my new N.A. buddies, really a pretty remarkable guy. He’s going through a lot of the usual struggles that someone goes through in their first few years of recovery, but his enthusiasm, and love of the history, has created a quick bond between us.
History
See, I began a process back in 1982, compiling the history of N.A., that has become kind of a way of life for a number of N.A. members, including Joe. Back then, it was like pulling teeth to get anyone the least bit interested in it. I had come across a tape, in the move, of a talk I gave at a convention in 1983 in Memphis, about my efforts to work on that history. It is evident from that talk that I wasn’t getting a lot of cooperation from members with my efforts. Now, they have regular conferences and workshops at conventions to talk about the history.
For me, it is equal parts exciting and gratifying. Even though I haven’t been a part of N.A. for over 35 years, I happened to be there at a time when the fellowship was just exploding, largely as a result of its Basic Text getting published, which I got to play a role in. I was the Vice Chair of N.A.’s World Literature Committee when it got published, and had lived, ate and breathed that book for my first two years clean.
I had continued being heavily involved in literature for the next two years, before I became so burnt out on it, and was in such desperate need of something resembling a normal life, I had walked away from it all, found a group where I could recover, and the rest, as they say, was history.

Back to the Beginning
It’s so strange, but beautifully so, that I now find myself drawn back to where it all began for me, kind of like a full circle. Of course, being back there, some old feelings are bubbling up, and I am becoming aware of some of the issues that I was running away from when I left there. Feelings I had long since buried, moved on from, and never looked back. It feels like a chance for more healing. I am availing myself of this opportunity, to heal more.
Healing Old Scars
I’m finding that life is like that — we incur scars as we go along, and sometimes run from things we can’t, or are not equipped, to handle at the time. However, at some point further down the line, we can always go back, after having acquired some better tools, and face those things we once ran from, and allow them to finally heal. In the process, it sometimes feels like you are ripping open an old scar, and your initial reaction might be to let sleeping dogs lie, turn around and do what you did then — run away from it.
Exploration and Friendship
But, I no longer do that in my life. I don’t run away from that which makes me uncomfortable. I’ve learned there’s a reason for my discomfort, and I take the time to explore that — kind of like touring old Civil War battlefields — there might be something there for me to learn. There might be something that still needs to heal.
I’m very grateful to have the opportunity to do this. While I’m at it, I get to make a new friend or two. Making friends is one of my favorite things to do. Once you make a friend, it can last for a lifetime. I now have a number of new friends in Fredericksburg. I feel like a very lucky guy.

