The Story Hall
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The Story Hall

“Righteous Indignation.”..a study in Auto-Immune over-reaction that will kill us with antibodies!

I have an auto-immune disorder of some sort. It’s been named, among other things, CFS, Fibromyalgia, RA, PostPolio Syndrome, neurosis, “excuses”, figment of my imagination, and bi-polarity.

All I know is that sometimes my body imagines (or actually senses sensibly) that it is under attack by some harmful force and must gird up its loins to fend off the threatening forces.

I get hyper, or morose, or heady, or angry, or testy. I get hives sometimes. My muscles ache and rebel. I get breathless and dizzy. I get vertigo. I get blue. I lose my appetite. My wonky knee gets so bad I use a brace. I am breathless enough to go to the doctor. She has given me a puffer for this a couple of times, saying my body is delivering asthma-like symptoms.

And I take medications and a mess of vitamins and minerals, and I eat a primal diet most of the time. This has helped the physical side of this over-reaction to things frightening or saddening or maddening.

But like a balky horse, I still shy easily. Past real events have created an oversized panic button that goes into action without warning. And I have to take time out and recover. Good stress and bad stress both set me off. I’m used to it. I take deep breaths and calm down eventually.

I am not willing to be drugged with Valium or hypnosis to “get rid” of this sometimes debilitating inconvenience. I want to KNOW what is going on…I do not want to hide from it. I want to spend my life — not save it for some assumed “later”. If I fell down and scraped my knees learning to ride a bike, I always got up and tried again. I will take my “knocks” in order to truly live my life fully.

That’s me.

When I was a child, I sometimes responded with fits of fury, bouts of crying, rebellious isolation, running away from home, self-destructive behavior sometimes, self-deprecating behavior always. Self-hatred. And some sort of “righteous indignation” at it all.

Why should all this happen to a nice girl like me? It ISN’T FAIR!

Some times I was wise enough to “stop, breathe, think” and avoid doing rash reactive things. I learned from my own over-reactions to do this. But surprises happen and I find myself in survival mode when there is nothing actually threatening me — it just is that I THINK I see a “ghost” or “ghoul” or “bad guy.” I am learning. May I continue to learn about this important principle! So I can live fully!

— -

When I eventually settle down (because I still have these same sorts of knee-jerk reactions), I ask myself if any of it did any good at all. And the answer is almost 90% a resounding NO. But there is a modicum of value in the experience. I am informed of what to address so that I can be prepared for such a shock next time. Maybe I can take breaths BEFORE entering into the stress zone? Maybe I can give myself a little pep talk about remembering the Serenity Prayer! That is always a good idea. I remember to do this more often as I “grow up”. (I’m 80)

So what does this have to do with anybody else?

I recognize this series of steps to madness very well, and I see the whole USA involved in just this sort of un-productive tizzy and dizziness and panic. I see gangs of women thinking it is time to kill ALL those loathsome men who make their lives unfairly limited and horrible. I see gangs of men trying to respond to accusations and past torts that refer to a world in the recent past when the very things women are in high dudgeon about are the things that men used to brag about. And so the men and women are eroding each others’ best and worst features in a searing war that is, to my way of thinking, neutering everybody.

Neutering! Like the pets we wish to “keep” without natural urges making them horny or out-of-control, or pregnant.

Like the women have figured out how to have any amount of sex they want and not have to deal with pregnancy, and all that messy stuff.

Inoculate and maim. Castrate and purge and quell to “control” natural urges. Does this remind anyone of “taming nature” in order to build empires? Exterminating species? Spraying DDT over everything and everybody so our food is poisoned? Overkill! Over-reaction! Suicide!

Canceling out what defines us as we are gender-wise related to one another, nothing less! So we don’t have to think about it anymore, or be responsible for messy situations that interfere with our personal wants and preferences.

And both men and women are fainting with fear and disillusionment and self-doubt, and a thunderous vengeance they think it deserves against the very entities that they recently loved and appreciated. Even the sexuality they now say they despise. The sexuality that is a part of the survival of the human race! The very thing that “launched a thousand ships” and which renews the universe with new life!

Surely we will stop soon and realize we are eroding our own existence. Let’s stop this before we snuff out the marvelous miracle that is humankind.

SGH©2018 September 30



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Susan G Holland

Susan G Holland

Ever curious, I wonder, I ask, I probe, I learn, I write ;soon a grateful 84, still discovering the brand new day. I moved to New Mexico, a whole new paradigm!