Authentic You: Stop Limiting Yourself
All Aboard!
Many years ago I was having dinner with a friend of mine who is a psychotherapist.
We were talking about the concept of self.
I joked that I was so good at fitting into situations that I should be called a Stand Up Chameleon.
He put down his glass of wine and said, ‘You do know that the whole idea of a single David Pullan is a myth, don’t you? David Pullan is really just a bus full of possible David Pullans.’
‘And that bus spends your lifetime pulling up at different stops with different sets of circumstances.’
‘All you need to do is decide which version of you is the right one to get out to deal with the circumstances at each stop. You’re just lucky you haven’t limited the passenger list.’
It was a moment that transformed the way I think about authenticity.
And it set me off on the road to helping people in business bring all of themselves to their communication and storytelling.
The Danger of Limiting The Passenger List
For many reasons a lot of us start limiting the possible versions of ourselves from a very early age.
Parents, teachers, bosses, friends, partners all have their say.
‘Boys don’t cry.’ ‘Be a good girl.’ ‘That’s not professional.’ ‘Stand with your hands like this.’
Many (or maybe some) of these are said with good intentions.
But gradually they knock the edges off the bigger person we could be.
They tell parts of us to, ‘Get off the bus!’
And while the version of ourselves that is left may be authentic, it can also be limiting if we want to stand out from the crowd.
And this is a massive danger.
Who Could You Be Authentically?
A good place to start answering this question is by looking at photographs from different areas in your life.
Then tell the stories that are associated with those photographs.
This is an exercise I’ve done with clients on many occasions.
And I’ve heard some amazing stories.
The accountant who built her house by watching YouTube videos. The insurer who inadvertently saved six lives when he got his client so drunk that they cancelled their morning meeting in the World Trade Center on 9/11. The CEO who collects frying pans and has some amazing examples from the Wild West.
When these people told me their stories I saw their eyes light up as they revealed truths, passions, humour and values that they often hid in their work lives.
And there are three things I can guarantee you.
- None of them looked less authentic than before they revealed these sides.
- All of them still looked professional.
- They all felt more confident in their communication because they were using their full authenticity.
Dare to Pick Up the Stranded Passengers
So here is my challenge.
Think about who you’ve thrown off the bus in your life.
Dare to pick them up from the sidewalk you dumped them on so they can get off and deal with the circumstances at future stops.
How might the playful you be useful as you pitch for seed capital? How might the one who looked after your pet dog be handy as you connect with your team?
You’ll be the one that chooses who gets off the bus.
But at least every seat will be occupied by an authentic version of you who could be useful.
And you won’t be limited to the one sad soul sitting at the back who has to deal with everything.
You’ll stand out from the crowd.
Have fun.
