When The Dude Met The Dudette…
The Pledge
Scene One
He’s so sure that he’s seen those big beautiful eyes before, he knows those eyes, he’s captured by those eyes. He could dive into those dreamy eyes and forget the reality of his world, floating through the air, waving his limbs, moving towards her.
“Ready to order sir?, ma’am?” says the waitress smiling at the couple. “Umm, could you give us a couple of minutes please?”, he slurs coming back to the restaurant, to his date. Resisting himself from diving back into her beautiful eyes again, he asks her, “What would you like to have?”. She quickly glances over the menu, exactly knowing what she wants, in a firm tone, or just a force of habit, “Can I get the Lamb Kebab?”. He smiles, raises his hand to find the waitress and orders, “two orders of the Lamb Kebab, please.”.
With a little bit of a surprise and a lot more of a curiosity, she leans forward, excited, staring at him with her big googly eyes, “Do you like the Lamb Kebab too?”. “Nah, I don’t think I’ve tasted it before. But I’d love to try it with you. I’m curious to see how it tastes.”, listening to him say that, the excitement drained out of her face slowly.
Scene Two
After singing, rather, screaming one of the most popular 90’s songs, Baby Got Back, at the top of their lungs, they finally get booed off the karaoke stage. Both of them are too buzzed to walk, but they hold hands to help the other walk to their table. Always fun to watch two tipsy people helping each other walk, that shit could easily grab a million views in less than an hour.
“I didn’t know you loved karaoke too!” she says. “I didn’t know either, this was my first time!” he says before he continues singing “uh when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and ..”. “Oh wow, it didn’t feel like your first time though. I’m glad we did it.” she responds with a straight face.
Scene Three
Buzzed and tired, looking at a kid eat ice cream at the next table, she exclaims, “Are you hungry for dessert? I’m hungry for dessert. Can we get the Chocolate Fondue from the Fondue Factory? I love their Fondues. Do you like their Fondues? Do you like chocolate too?”. He says, “How about we go on an adventure? Do you like adventures?”. “Sure. What do you mean?”, she responds sticking her big beautiful eyes out.
“Okay, let’s go. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven? And what’s the spiciest you’ve ever eaten? Do you like Salsa?”, he asks her looking for his jacket and keys. She nods her head adjusting her hair, says “But can we please get me a dessert before we go dancing?”, and follows his footsteps mimicking his walk.
The Turn
A cold shower after a quick morning run is how she likes to start her weekend. She walks into the kitchen shivering from head to toe, rubbing her palms and touching her cheeks and neck for some warmth. She’s all set to start her day, except for her puffy tongue. She yells into the room, “Hey Google, good morning!”
Google: Good Morning La Mujer, it’s 8:12 AM, right now in ..
Dudette: Hey Google, stop. Hey Google, what should I do for a swollen tongue?
Google: On the website WebMD.com, they say for minor tongue injuries, you may, one, rinse with warm salt water, especially after meals; two, suck on an ice cube or an ice pop to ease swelling; three, take Ibuprofen or another NSAID if you are not allergic; and four, avoid alcohol, tobacco and spicy foods that might burn.
Dudette: Avoid spicy foods, no shit! Hey Google, how’s my day looking today?
Google: Hi, your task for the day is, clean kitchen stove.
Dudette: Nah, hey Google, what’s the next task for the day?
Google: Pickup dry cleaners.
Dudette: Hey Google, when does the dry cleaner store open?
Google: The dry cleaner store opens in the next 2 hours.
Dudette: Hey Google, what’s the next task for the day?
Google: Your task for the day, clean kitchen stove.
Dudette: Come on.. take the hint! Hey Google, what’s the next task for the day?
Google: Amazon package return.
Dudette: Hey Google, when does the nearest Kohl’s store open?
Google: The nearest Kohl’s store opens in the next 3 hours.
Dudette: Hey Google, what’s the next task for the day?
Google: Your task for the day, clean kitchen stove.
Dudette: Fine! You win, you’ve made your point! Hey Google, play chore music at the highest volume.
She ties her hair into a bun like she always does before going on the offense, brings her artillery out from under the kitchen sink, the oil scraper, grease remover, synthetic softener, bleach cleaner, rubber gloves, everything she might need to make the stove look like the day she moved in, quite an ambitious task for the day.
After a couple of playlists, the music is abrupted by a notification chime. “You have one new message from The Dude.”.
Dudette: Hey Google, read the last message from The Dude.
Google: The last message from The Dude is, “Hey, it was nice meeting you yesterday, I had a great time. I hope your tongue is doing fine. wink emoji. Do you want to grab lunch tomorrow? blush emoji.”. Do you want to respond to The Dude?
“No”, she yells in excitement. She can’t stop blushing, throws the greased cloth and the bleach spray into the sink, starts dancing at the uproar of the music. She starts with an Arabesque, throws in a few Changements before ending the set with a couple of her favorite Pirouettes and then takes a bow with the greasy rubber gloves still stuck to her sweaty hands all the way till her elbows. Out of breath with the twists and turns from her newly learnt, yet to master, ballet moves, yells, “Hey Google, remind me to add The Dude to my journal.”.
Google: Okay, add The Dude to my journal.
Dudette: Bitch! I didn’t mean right now. Fine. Whatever. I’m doing it, get off my back!
The Prestige
Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called “The Pledge”. The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course… it probably isn’t. The second act is called “The Turn”. The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you’re looking for the secret… but you won’t find it, because of course you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn’t clap yet. Because making something disappear isn’t enough; you have to bring it back. That’s why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call “The Prestige”.”
— Cutter, The Prestige
And, The End. Nah, kidding! They just met, it’s only been one date. We’ll get to it eventually, to the end. Or did we get there already? 🤔 Did she have a dream¹ or something? Or did she get her hands on his Stoner’s Journal²? Or both? 😉. Don’t worry, I’ll take you through their journey and beyond, I promise. 😅
