Belief in God

Anupam Upadhyay
The Struggle Called Existence
2 min readFeb 9, 2020

For a while now I have been a vocal atheist. Born in a family immersed in religion and dogma I was fortunate that my parents didn’t brain wash me beyond repair.

I took the God narrative for granted until I was an adult. This was the first time when I had to deal with a heartbreak. For the first time I couldn’t get something I really wanted, I had to deal with the consequences of an action I couldn’t undo.

This experience led me down the rabbit hole of being a skeptic. In the pursuit of emotional support I turned to God and religion. Finding no solace there I felt myself drowning in a deep void, a dark place from where it would be hard to return.

This was the time I found George Carlin.

The “Religion is Bullshit” piece left a big impact on me. It was like Harry Potter knowing he is a horcrux but never acknowledging it. I had never really connected with God, but never questioned the existence either. When your self image is that of an ever rational, scientific mind, recognizing your own cognitive dissonance is jarring.

Hence started the long and arduous journey. A search for truth, inner peace, and more importantly a rational explanation.

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