BSD Says “Cybersecurity Leak.” I Hear “Free Extension.”

Written by Cole Taylor, Edited by Cam Solis Mejias

Note: This is a satire article and is not meant to be taken seriously.

Students across the Beaverton School District rejoiced at an email sent by the administration, stating that student passwords and Google Docs have potentially been compromised by a cybersecurity leak. Normally, privacy breaches aren’t a cause for celebration. Fortunately for many of us, the email was followed by the words “Any assignments that were due tomorrow will be deferred until this issue is resolved. Staff will share more information tomorrow.” Hell yeah.

While this may be a minor inconvenience to some, it’s a godsend for others. Personally, I had a Lit and Lang essay due tonight that I was not ready to submit. I was about to ask my teacher for an extension, but it sounds like I just got one.

However, not everyone is as cavalier about the recent cybersecurity breach. While some see it as nothing more than a surprise extension, others consider it a legitimate threat. When asking a fellow student for their comment on the incident, they replied with this image:

Enlightening.

I, for one, am glad that the Sunset student body is taking these concerns seriously.

In light of recent events, some are wondering if this incident could have been prevented. Could the Beaverton School District have been more prepared for cybersecurity threats? There’s no way to say for sure — but, like, probably. Our chromebooks could easily have been hacked by a particularly intelligent raven using a paperclip. It probably wasn’t too difficult to get everyone’s passwords. Who knows? They might have just asked nicely.

Alas, we can only hope no lasting damage has been done, and we can all return to getting extensions the normal way: emailing our teachers twenty minutes before the assignment closes.