The Sunset Harold
Gunsul To Start River Cruise Line
By Dillon Bergmann
PORTLAND, Ore. — Sunset Teacher Andrew Gunsul has announced a new river cruise line called the “Columbia River Navigation Co.” The Company, which is funded by the CDC, will operate out of the Port of Portland and will offer cruises from Portland all the way up the Columbia River to the McNary Dam, named for famed US Senator from Oregon Charles L. Dam, providing onshore excursions along the way. These excursions will go over Multnomah Falls, Cascade Locks, the Bonneville Dam, among others.
The line will operate three ships at first, being called the S.S. Hope, the S.S. May B. Ceaworthy, and the S.S. Submarine. According to the Commodore (the title given to the Head Captain of a Shipping line) of the company and Captain of the Hope, Edward J. Smith III, the Hope is named after the hope to make it down and out of the river alive. The May B. Ceaworthy is after Mr. Gunsul’s long-time friend and accountant May Ceaworthy. Finally, the Submarine is named as such because the ship is currently being reimagined as a submarine-like vessel.
Recruitment has also not been an issue for the new line. According to Mr. Gunsul, the line’s recruiting strategy is to impress potential applicants during the application process. The Chief Steward on the May B. Ceaworthy, Edmund Latimer, told us that he was quite impressed during the application process.
The amenities onboard will also be fine, featuring Wi-Fi that will only work when you do not need it to; an all you can eat buffet featuring New York Street style Hot Dogs, seafood that no one knows the age of, mystery meat, and salad that may have mold on it. The rooms will also have beds that are too warm & too cold at the same time, a television that is woefully outdated, VHS tape support, and 3-bed bugs for each passenger held in an insectarium until arrival.
Investors have responded well to the new Company with large investments from the Lucchese family, who we have been told contrary to media reports have no ties to Organized Crime. Other investors include DodgeBank the world leader in dogecoin banking. Mr. Gunsul told The Harold that “we are excited to provide high-quality sinking, I mean sailing services!”
