Top 5 Apps on Your Phone to Look at Instead of Asking Your Crush to Dance
By Cole Taylor and Will Price
This is it, the dance of the year! You shelled out the money for the winter formal and you’re standing in the crowded cafeteria in your dad’s old misfitting suit. You’ve been scanning the room all night for that one girl you want to ask out. Across the room, between the mosh pit and the water cooler, you see her. This is the moment you’ve been waiting months for. You take a deep breath, hyping yourself up… or you could just check your phone for a minute. Let’s be real, we both know you’re not going to work up the courage to ask her out. Instead, here are the top five apps on your phone you can look at instead of asking your crush to dance.
5. Email
Take your mind off of your crippling social anxiety and answer all those emails you’ve been ignoring. Canvas is saying you have fourteen outstanding assignments? “Yeah, those can wait.” If you’re feeling adventurous you could even look through your spam folder. Maybe take up that Nigerian prince on his business opportunity? Oh look, the University of Hawaii sent you a 5th email this week. At least somebody wants you!
4. Compass
You may not know how to read a compass, I mean who does? But it’s a whole lot easier to get the red arrow to dance around your screen. And who knows, maybe with a little bit of luck, it’ll point you in the direction of some girls?
3. World Clock
Is it tea time in London? Are people in Madagascar just waking up? It’s when in Beijing? Satisfy your time-zone-based curiosity to your heart’s content with the world clock. You may know precisely what time it is in Malaysia, but you’ll never know when it’ll be the perfect time to confess to your crush.
2. Calculator
Ah the calculator app, it’s always there when you need it most or just don’t feel like doing your math homework. It’s buttons so enticing to mashing; why hit the dance floor when you can hit x2 until you get an overflow error? If you want to let loose you can turn your phone sideways and put your calculator into sport mode. You may not know what arcsin is, or that ‘e’ is a number but it sure is fun to mess around with it. Maybe while you’re at it, you can calculate the odds of you getting a girlfriend.
1. The Weather App
The tried and true conversation-avoider for guys everywhere. Guaranteed to stop even the smoothest social interaction in its tracks. Sure, that girl is cute, but you need to know what the humidity is in Shanghai now. You may never find the meaningful relationship you so desperately crave, but hey! at least you know it’s 7o and rainy in Moscow.
