This is a story of love lost…
A legendary saga of the dearly departed dollars tragically severed from those amongst the ruins of promises of internet riches and overnight fame.
An epic tale so cynical you may not even realize the mic just dropped.
A deafening sound spun within the jungles of gurudom.
This my friend, is the most honest webinar pitch you’re likely to ever read in today’s trendy marketing landscape…
The Ultimate “Anti Sales” Sales Letter
Tired of failing miserably in life? Me too. I’m desperate…
You’re About To Discover Just How Full Of Shit I Truly Am And That I’m Only Interested In Getting Your Money!
Imagine this… I learned this part of “opening loops” from some NLP guru who suckered me into buying their course. Now I’m repeating what they did, but I’m not as good at it.
In this exclusive LIVE but recorded webinar, I’m going to reveal my made up secrets that will entice you to open up your wallet to pay me for stuff you’ve already seen everywhere else.
I’m going to make a bunch of promises and show you images of unbelievable statistics I Photoshopped so you will begin to think of me as the person who will help you unlock the secrets to living the life of your dreams!
I might even show you my Lamborghini, but only if you’re nice ;)
Here’s What You’ll Get Inside This MAGICAL Webinar:
• I’m going to spend 15 minutes talking about how amazing I am. I hope it makes you feel sorry for yourself. Creating an inferiority complex in my audience increase sales!
• I’m going to talk about a bunch of random disconnected things that sound like sage advice for about 10 minutes. There will be plenty of technical jargon you won’t understand that makes me look smarter than you.
Rest assured... I don’t understand this shit either.
• Really it’s all just going to make you more confused than you already are. I do this intentionally to set you up for what comes next. Like the dope man giving you your first hit free.
• I’ll spend the last 30 minutes of the LIVE but recorded webinar trying really hard to convince you to buy my course. The ensuing pitch is designed to piggyback on the confusion I created in your head.
The reality is I’m really not any good at this sales stuff or how to build a relationship with my audience. I even emphasized a part of the letter here I probably shouldn’t have.
Oh, and Bill Gates. This is called anchoring to a recognizable celebrity personality so you subconsciously link me to their success and believe my bullshit even more!
• I already know you aren’t going to buy my shit. So after the webinar I’m going to obliterate your inbox with a series of worthless emails I wrote ahead of time reminding you to buy the thing you decided not to buy on my exclusive, power house, ultra shazam LIVE but recorded webinar.
• YES of course it’s all overpriced, over hyped nonsense. That’s what market trends told me you buy most.
Just pick some off the internet; that’s what I do.
ACT NOW -Space Is Limited!
Not really, I just say that to make you feel a sense of urgency. I really need the money and have no intention of closing the doors. But suckers fall for this all of the time so I keep using it.
[BUTTON: JOIN THE WEBINAR ALREADY IN PROGRESS]
Quantities Are Limited!
Hey, let’s not bring up physics and the fact that we’re talking about a digital product that occupies no tangible place in space or time. I already have you eating out of my hand, why get all technical now???
PS: If you don’t buy, I’ll make sure to send you an email that makes you feel stupid and hope you’ll still buy my shit, even though you probably hate me now.
[INSERT PROFESSIONAL LOOKING GUARANTEE SEAL]
PPS: I have an iron clad 100% mega sexy satisfaction money back guarantee. But please don’t ask for a refund. I’m broke and in debt up to my eyeballs. Someone help me.
[BUTTON: PLEASE JOIN MY LIST — MY LIFE NEEDS VALIDATION]
OK, so that’s a pretty harsh illustration of what’s happening out there on the internets. But I’m sure you and I have been on the same webinar at some point. Sound familiar?
I know. It’s a little disheartening, but…
Hope Is Not Lost!
There are ways to market online, the right way.
Doing things in a way where you’ll actually sleep good at night without the guilt of slimy tactics looming over your conscience.
I share all of my best stuff through Newbie To Ninja.
Take a gander and see if it’s a good fit for you.
You might learn a thing or three.
See you next time..