Gender Non-conforming Behavior Doesn’t (Always) Mean Transgender
Growing up, I realized that there are many types of queer expression. There’s a spectrum of queer expressions that is beautiful and complex. You can be a feminine guy who likes makeup and fashion. A drag queen or king who enjoys performing the nuances of gender. Maybe a masculine woman who enjoys taking on a role in society that men usually uphold. Or you’re simply just floating around and just doing you.
During childhood is when the majority of gender non-conforming expression develops. You can usually point it out when a child is displaying gender-nonconforming behavior. Such behavior can be a boy liking “girlie” colors, enjoying dressing up and doing makeup, or hanging around girls who share his interests. Or it can look like a girl who hates dresses and makeup and rather wear jeans, who likes to play rough like the boys and not behave “ladylike.” Maybe it’s a mix of everything and the kid just vibing with what they feel at that moment. Most kids go through their gender non-conforming stage and grow out of it; however, it’s not so simple for others.
When I was a kid, people who displayed such behavior were flamboyant or tomboys. Now that language has evolved, people can better describe themselves more accurately. They can be feminine (fem), masculine (masc) fluid, neutral, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, gender fluid, agender, bigender, and much more. However, the lexicon shouldn’t eliminate tomboy, flamboyant, and other gender expressive terms. These terms are essential to help gender non-conforming people that aren’t necessarily queer. For example, if a man is flamboyant, it doesn’t mean he’s gay or trans; the same goes for a masculine woman. This is because they have a gender expression different than what’s considered the “norm.”
Specific non-conforming behavior has an intersectional connection between the majority of the queer spectrum. For example, many trans women and gay men share typical gender non-conforming behavior in childhood, such as liking pink, playing with dolls, experimenting with makeup, or always wanting to be around the girls. However, they may share some experiences, that doesn’t mean that the outcome of their queer journeys is the same. Since such behavior intersects, it can be difficult to categorize people, which we humans do naturally.
Lately, however, I’ve noticed any gender-nonconforming behavior as being considered trans. For example, if you are a cis man and display feminine qualities, people may think that you’re trans; it used to be that they just thought you were gay. For instance, I have a fabulous friend who is gay and is the epitome of a queen. He’s very feminine and often refers to himself as a woman (because of drag culture) with huge titties. He’s frequently asked if he’s Transgender simply because he’s flamboyant. This constant questioning frustrates him because not only is it invasive, but it labels him as something he’s not, just because he doesn’t conform to the gender expressions expected of him. I think this is becoming common because of the rise of the transgender community and its influence. I’m not saying that we are to blame. I’m saying that since we are becoming more seen and it’s fresh in people’s minds, it makes sense that they assume (consciously or subconsciously) that gender non-conforming means trans.
Being quick to label anyone only puts them in a box that may not even fit them. Doing so would cause more damage and confusion, not only for the individual but also for the people around them. Just because someone doesn’t conform to the expressions or roles assigned to their gender doesn’t mean that they’re trans.
This problem comes from a lack of line between what makes you trans and non-trans. If there is no line, then any gender non-conforming behavior is considered trans, when, most likely, that isn’t the case.
The main difference between gender non-conforming and trans is gender dysphoria or discomfort with your sex/gender. Gender dysphoria can be complicated to spot because it’s unique to the individual. The only way to know is to talk with the individual experiencing gender dysphoria. Most people believe that you don’t need gender dysphoria to be trans, but it helps guide a person’s interpretation of their gender. Gender dysphoria can also be confused with body dysmorphia, which is two different things, and confusing the two can lead to confusion and inner struggle.
Since everything LGBT these days is a bit more complex than before, it can be easier to default everyone that is gender non-conforming as trans. But there is a lot of nuance and complexity with what makes someone trans. Also, automatically assuming someone as trans erases their actual identity, which prevents them from being themselves, and forces them into a trans identity.
Everyone’s queer journey is an individual experience that’s up to them to figure out for themselves. The best thing that loved ones can do is listen, learn, love, and support. Don’t assume. Not assuming makes it easier for everyone.
Thanks for reading 🥰
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