How Life has Led me to Living like Grandma at Twenty-nine

I’m turning into a grandma and I’m only 29. I realized this first a few months ago when I started genuinely hating the cold weather. My grandma always complains about the weather. I adopted a cat that, remarkably looks almost identical to the cat my grandmother had for so many years. His name was Garfield and he was awesome, hopefully my cat doesn’t get as fat as he did though. I sip tea, I read, I frequent libraries and avoid small talk. Am I turning into a grouchy old lady? And then tonight! I taped, yes, TAPED with clear packing tape, the gaps in my windows so the cold air wouldn’t draft through. A dead grandma give away. My grandmother's windows are covered in tape. This used to bother me but now I understand. That damn cold air getting through is just gosh darn infuriating! I find myself wanting to go to bed at 9:30 and being extra anti-social. Is being a grandma just another form of being depressed? Maybe by the time you reach grandma-age your just plain tired…

You want to be alone, in your warm house, with your cat. Sounds awesome to me. I went on a date tonight and lied and said I had to go pick up my daughter when in fact she will be gone for the night with her grandma. I just wanted to go home. He wasn’t awful or unattractive by any means. I am just tired. Such a grandma move on my part. Sorry dude.

Tired of trying to impress someone I’m not even sure I like yet. I felt a little bad about my fib, because he spent a ton on money on dinner. But then again, is that really my fault? Do a couple of drinks, appetizers, an entree, and dessert entitle you the whole evening with me or a ticket into my pants? I should think not but who knows these days. Everyone seems to be so entitled. Sex is paid for at dinner. That is so stupid. If you don’t have the money to have a simple dinner and see if you like me or not..if you can’t invest 40ish dollars and an hour of your time?.. do I really need to be seeing you? A successful mature man could afford to take such a risk, but they are rare in this town.

Yes, I am burnt out folks. Been single 3 years now, been on countless dates. 40 I bet and to no avail. I can’t seem to meet anyone I’m crazy about. It’s like suddenly, no one interests or excites me. It’s discouraging. I understand now how women end up with five cats and wanting to be alone in their warm beds at the end of night. Listen to me. I’m being dramatic.

But seriously, I think this shall be my new way about things. I’m going to enjoy my cat and my draft-less windows until someone comes along that’s so great, so wonderfully delicious, he entices me to leave the comfort of my two bedroom apartment/fortress. I’m puttin myself on lockdown folks. No date unless your’e great! Ha, my rhyming is clever I know.

It is rather cozy in here though. Internet, throw blankets, candles, two sofas, and a TV to name a few delights! A lockdown might be just what I need. Time to chill and remember just who it is I’m actually looking for.

I realize that being single this long is partly my fault. I haven’t known what I want. What kind of guy I want. I’ve been confused. Dumbfounded. So I’ve been going out with practically everyone to try and figure it out, thinking I’d “know him when I see him”. Turns out that method doesn’t work so well. It’s a little too all-encompassing. No wonder I’m so frustrated. This is the harder way to go about it and it get’s even more confusing if you start to get really lonley because then you’ll start making exceptions for people or overlook your deal-breakers just for the sake of loneliness. You might even get side-tracked or blinded by someones good looks, forgetting its the total package you’re after. It’s much easier to know ahead of time what you’re looking for in a mate, that way when you find him, a little bell will go off and you will actually give him a fair shot.

So I asked myself today, what DO I want?? I’m still figuring that out. I have a few things down: confident, funny, stable, emotionally available, family-oriented….I know what I should want. But attraction is a funny thing. It’s not a choice but rather involuntary. I hope I feel something…a spark, chemistry or whatever for a guy who’s actually gonna be good for me.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep thinking harder about what it is I don’t and do want in a guy. That way it will be easier to find him. I’m also going to stop making excuses for people who embellish my deal-breakers and start saying no to more dates. Trusting my gut. God gave us women intuition and we do best when we listen to it. I shall remain cozy and content in the grandma lifestyle I’ve adapted for myself until prince charming finally finds me. Hey, no judging. I’m not putting my happiness on hold, I’m just learning to be comfortable on my own. Just like a grandma is having spent so many years with herself. It will all be okay. I’m getting really good at being patient, a life-forced lesson. My cat is meowing now and is that another draft I feel? Gotta go.