Joel Embiid is My Favorite Person
The NBA is a man’s league, just ask Jonathan Abrams (author of Boys Among Men, which, as you’ll learn, is a book I read). Boys have joined the league with hopes of dominating as they did in high school and college only to be rudely awakened to the fact that they are no longer playing against part-time student-athletes, that the people opposite them are fighting to feed their families. The choice is simple: focus, get serious and mature or be trampled over by guys whose muscle striations have muscle striations.
(I know he’s not in the league anymore but that don’t stop me from ‘mirin!)
It is this dichotomy that makes the 7-foot Joel Embiid, aka “The Process” so interesting. Following a season at the University of Kansas during which he played with Timberwolves’ forward, and 2014 Rookie of the Year Andrew Wiggins, Embiid spent the last two seasons on the sidelines nursing an injured right foot (Fun Story: Embiid learned how to order food online during the summer of 2014 while staying at the home of Arn Tellem, former agent of Kobe, Russell Westbrook, etc. and would order different courses from different restaurants throughout the night, thanks again Jonathan Abrams). Since his debut this season, Embiid has lit the league on fire, averaging 19.4 PPG, 7.3 RPG, and 2.4 BPG, in 25 MINUTES. That’s insane. He’s also sporting a Player Efficiency Rating of 23.37 which puts him in the “Definite All Star” category but whatever, nobody knows what that stat even means (he’s also top 5 in Usage Rate in the league but again, who even knows what these weird metrics even mean). The bottom line is that “The Process” is good. Like really good. He shoots threes at over 36%. Threes! So far his season highlights include blocking Lebron (no, it wasn’t a goaltend and I’ll back that up in court) and besting last year’s Rookie of the Year, Karl-Anthony Towns, in a highly anticipated matchup of the next generation of big men.
But like I said, who cares that I already gave you enough proof that he should be Rookie of the Year, I still haven’t told you why Embiid is awesome.
Embiid is hilarious (get at me Louis CK). Embiid is a Twitter/Instagram GOD. He is a troll to the max. Take a look at this one, it dates back to before he was even drafted when I had no idea who he was because I’m a bandwaggoner. Sue me.
What??? By the way, did you notice his profile picture? If not, here’s a close up:
He destroys Chandler Parsons on a regular basis. Just take a look:
His latest mission is to be rightfully selected for the All Star Game, but not so he can compete with the best in the league, so he can get with his celebrity crush who may or may not be Rihanna (it is).
He tried hitting on Kim Kardashian until he found out that she was married:
He also pretended to retweet a President-Elect Donald Trump All Star vote:
Kids haven’t flourished in the NBA, but Joel Embiid isn’t a kid, he knows what he’s doing. His two years on the sideline gave him the physical maturation needed to be a dominant whatever-he-is on the court, but it also preserved the fun-loving kid he was before he entered the league. Usually one comes at the cost of the other, just take a look at all the failed prep-to-pro players who couldn’t get it together (this isn’t an argument about the age-limit, don’t worry), but Embiid’s two-year stasis gave him a weird reprieve from learning the business of basketball. I hope he continues wowing people on and off the court for years to come while I sit at home watching while eating food I ordered online.
