Why Russell Westbrook Isn’t Starting

Pondering the greatest mystery in human history

Let’s preface this with:

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, HOW IN THE WORLD IS RUSSELL WESTBROOK NOT STARTING THE ALL STAR GAME??? For god’s sake this guy is averaging a leading the league in points, second in assists, and averaging a triple-double. Not that it matters to him. Westbrook will die before he admits that he cares what anyone thinks of him.

The simple answer is that Steph Curry is a crowd-pleaser. People love him because he’s the golden boy, the suck-up, the kid who sits in the front and gets perfect grades by doing all the extra credit. By contrast, Russ is the Dr. Gregory House of the NBA: the rebel, the genius and he does what he damn-well pleases. Forget William. We know who the Man in Black is, it’s this guy:

He knows he the best. It matters none to him if you like him because he knows the best doesn’t concern himself with the rest.

I’m not worried about Russell Westbrook. He’ll be fine. If anything this will just fuel another 21-minute triple-double and an accompanying Jordan commercial, this one even pettier. Regardless, I pity the fool(ish) Utah Jazz, the team scheduled to experience the next apocalypse. I can’t even imagine what Russ will leave in his wake when he razes Salt Lake City in pursuit of 22.

I’m sorry we couldn’t get you there Russ, you’ll just have to settle for First Team All NBA and 2017 MVP.