New ‘Code Lavender’ Alarm Consists of A Low, Guttural Wailing, Requires All 350 Upper Schoolers To Evacuate To The Science Seminar Room

In an exciting announcement Monday morning, the administration debuted a brand new alarm for us all to enjoy. When activated, the new emergency alert, Code Lavender, emits a deep, uncomfortable wailing noise over the P.A. system as loud as possible, and will only turn off once every living soul in the high school has packed into the Science Seminar Room. “This is an exciting time for alarms,” said local maintenance worker Sam Oldenburg, “I can’t wait to test Code Lavender! The best part is, once everyone’s stuffed in there, it’s a fire hazard, so we get to switch on the fire alarm and run everyone outside!”

The announcement was accompanied by the saddening news that Code Chartreuse, which required every high schooler to get into the fetal position and hide in the elevator, has been labeled unsafe by the Department of Education.

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