Overzealous Promposal Leaves 18 Dead, Trail of Destruction

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Early first period, six teams of ambulances were called in response to numerous injuries caused by local junior Kyle Thomson’ overzealous promposal, which used fireworks, tricesium oxphate, two live goats, a one-armed stuntman, and a hair dryer.

“It was horrifying, in a beautiful way,” commented area teacher Fred Harris, “but I could have done without the goats eating most of my office.”

“This is what I was talking about!” commented dean of students Lauren Williams, “I mean come on!” Williams has since resigned, stating she’s had enough of dealing with “these idiots.”

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