Overzealous Promposal Leaves 18 Dead, Trail of Destruction


Early first period, six teams of ambulances were called in response to numerous injuries caused by local junior Kyle Thomson’ overzealous promposal, which used fireworks, tricesium oxphate, two live goats, a one-armed stuntman, and a hair dryer.

“It was horrifying, in a beautiful way,” commented area teacher Fred Harris, “but I could have done without the goats eating most of my office.”

“This is what I was talking about!” commented dean of students Lauren Williams, “I mean come on!” Williams has since resigned, stating she’s had enough of dealing with “these idiots.”

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