Student Foolishly Believes Qualifications, Intelligence Enough To Win Student Election
This past Wednesday, local student Ned Harper announced he would be running for election in the upcoming student council race. Harper, a student who doesn’t play football, basketball, baseball or lacrosse, who isn’t into routine binge drinking or drug consumption, and whose only positive attribute seems to be a long history of hard work, intelligence, and experience in organization and leadership, clearly misunderstands what it takes to win an election to an office of this calibre.
In his announcement Harper boringly listed the logical reasons why he would be the most effective, responsible leader, but was soon forgotten when election frontrunner Shane Cockman took the podium and just yelled “America!” to raucous applause. Cockman is expected to win decisively.