The Toad: Founder Profiles

Here at The Toad we like to shower ourselves with praise. We thought we’d share the experience with you!

Nathaniel Brimmer-Beller

Academic interests: Film, cynicism

Eyes: Dreamy

Toes: Enough

Fashion sense: Euro-chic meets Saudi sheik

Height: |x + 4|

Passions: Fruit, carrots, vegetables, legumes, potatoes, broccoli

Superstitions: Black cats, fat people, ugly people

Bluetooth-enabled: Yes

AppleCare Plus: Yes

Storage: 52 GB

Liam Goldsten

Height: Unknown

USB Ports: Two

Height: 7 feet

Diet: shrubs and roots

Hometown: Omsk, Siberia

Legs: Two

Prejudices: Jews, women, the gays, the poor

Battery life: 41 hours

Lifespan: 19 years

Height: 4 feet

Sam Halpert

Experience: Opinion Editor for Woodley Leaves, devout Mets fan, borderline literate

Objectification: Personality: 3; Looks: 0.12

Girth: Unexpected

Ideal first date: A week at the morgue

Favorite piece of poetry to slam: Entire Princess Bride movie

Hair density: Dense

Tattoos: None (above navel)

Phobias: Baptists, hair, Liam

Gmail password: 12345

Anticipated draft pick: Late third round but he could be a sleeper

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