Risky Business (1983)
Tom opens a brothel. In his parents’ house.
The Oldest Profession
You know the drill. Parents are outta town, boy throws a party, hilarity ensues, house gets trashed, and then, magically, cleaned up, with just seconds to spare before boy gets grounded for life. We saw a lot of these flicks in the ‘80s, but Risky Business kicked it up a notch with TRANNIES and HOOKERS and GUNS, oh my! And, of course, that scene that made Tom a star. Let’s just get that out of the way right now.
What a total badass, huh? Anyway, let’s move on.
TCP Score — 4.5 Mavericks
Tom just can’t seem to get away from those prostitutes! Luckily, this film is a hell of a lot better than Losin’ It, with great dialogue and performances by fellow future-stars Rebecca De Mornay, Joe Pantoliano, Bronson Pichot (yeah, Balki!), and Curtis Armstrong (yeah, Booger!).
How You Can Watch
This one is available on DVD from Netflix.
Film Stats
The Color of Money: With a $6.2 million budget, this film raked in a cool $63 million at the box office. Not bad for director Paul Brickman’s first film.
All the Right Moves: Risky Business received excellent reviews and is “considered by many as one of the best films of 1983.” (Wikipedia)
Tom Stats
Risky Business: This was Tom’s big, breakout role, but it might never have been. During filming for The Outsiders, director Francis Ford Coppola was impressed by Tom’s performance and offered him a supporting role in his next film, Rumble Fish. Tom had already read the script for Risky Business, and he took a big chance turning down the already famous director to work on Brickman’s first film.
Losin’ It: Tom and costar Rebecca De Mornay had real on- and off-screen … chemistry, and ended up dating for over a year. According to people on the set, the love scene on a Chicago L train was the real deal.
Top Gun: Tom was nominated for a Golden Globe award for his role!
Help me, help you … avoid spoilers!
If you’ve already seen it, or just plain don’t give a shit, I’ve included a plot summary below.
Just Your Everyday Suburban Rich Kid
Tom is that kid you love to hate. He’s a dweeby senior in high school and lives with his parents in a huge house in the ‘burbs outside of Chicago. What a dick. Anyway, much as you want to hate him, he does get the movie started with a fantasy about walking in on a hot girl in the shower … nice work, Tom. He also apparently is best friends with Balki Bartokomous and Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, so maybe he’s actually totally fucking awesome. Booger gets awesome right away. He’s the bad influence on good-natured Tom. He explains his philosophy rather eloquently:
Every now and then, say, ‘What the fuck.’ ‘What the fuck,’ gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.
Booger’s gonna make sure Tom takes advantage of the fact that:
The Parents Are Going Out of Town
Tom’s parents are getting packed for a week-long trip. Tom’s mom throws out this great line: “Honey, did you pack my Mace?” To which Tom’s dad replies, “Yes, in your cosmetic kit.” Parents are weird. Anyway, mom and dad give Tom some cash and strict instructions not to mess with the stereo or dad’s Porsche. This is called foreshadowing. When they leave, Tom fixes himself a nice candle-lit dinner for one (lame), and enjoys some whiskey and coke and Bob Seger no-pants dancing (see above). It’s a fucking party.
Tom Loses All His Money To A Trannie Hooker
Tom is hanging out with Balki and getting deep. He wants to accomplish something, not just make lots of money. Randomly, Tom’s other buddy just shows up with his girlfiend, wanting to borrow a room. Tom and Balki are just sexually frustrated virgins, so they split in Dad’s porsche. Do a little racin’. Booger returns, and he’s not satisfied. Lets get weird. Sex dungeon. Call a hooker. Just for jokes. Like I said, Booger is totally awesome.
Tom’s just hanging out. Studying. All of a sudden. She shows up. OK, he shows up. Turns out the hooker Booger called earlier is a very tall, black transvestite. Anyway, after taking all Tom’s money, she takes pity on him and gives Tom the number for Lana. After another wet dream (inspired by the trannie hooker?), Tom goes for it. He calls Lana. LAANAAA!!
LANA
Another dream. Lana dream. Hot. Bangin’ on the stairs. And the chair. Nice!
Huh. Not a dream? Lana is still there the next morning and she wants $300. Shit. Since he just gave all his money to the, er … other hooker, he runs out to scrounge up some dough. He sells grandma’s baby bond, but Lana steals mom’s expensive crystal egg instead. Shit.
Shit Gets Real
Despite having had some epic sex in exchange for a shitty egg, Tom is pretty pissed at Booger now. Booger, being a badass, tells Tom it’s his fault for taking his advice. Tom goes out to find this hooker and his mom’s egg (now that I’m writing it out, it does seem kinda weird, right?). Anyway, he stumbles across Lana in a restaurant and confronts her about the egg. At this point, Guido, Lana’s pimp, shows up with a gun and Lana escapes with Tom in the Porsche back to the suburbs.
Lana is gonna stay for a few days, but Tom still has to go to school. He shows up late and gets locked out of his midterms. He’s pretty fucked. Tom tries to get pushy with the school nurse after she refuses to give him a medical excuse, which gets him suspended and even more fucked. And when he gets back home, he finds out Lana invited over a friend. Now he’s got two hookers, no cash, no egg, and no future.
And then Guido shows up.
Shit Gets … Realer
Tom has proceeded a long way down the path from straight-laced dweeb to brothel-running badass. At this point, I’d say he’s at about 75% on the Badass-O-Meter, so when Guido is causing a scene in the front yard with the hookers, Tom struts right up in his jean shorts (he does love him some jorts) and tells him to kick rocks. Guido realizes he’s a bit out of his scene here in the ‘burbs and takes off.
At this point Tom and the hookers are besties, and Lana gets the idea to throw a party at Tom’s parents’ place. She’ll invite all her hooker friends for one big suburban sex night before mom and dad come home. She’ll even be his “girlfriend” for the rest of the week. Tom is a little hesitant (still only 75%), so she “accidentally” shifts gears in the Porsche and sends it rolling into a lake. Tom lays on top of it for a second, but apparently this is not enough to stop it, and it goes straight into the lake. Shit!
Tom Gets Down To Business
Now Tom’s completely fucked, and Lana’s idea is sounding pretty decent. With his portion of the proceeds, he should be able to fix the car. The party is on and business is booming. Too bad this is also the night Tom was supposed to have his interview with the Princeton recruiter. SHIT! Tom tells him he’d like to major in “business” and tries to distract him from the blatant degradation of women going on all around him. The hookers are showing all these local boys just how wild the city girls can get, and the recruiter is looking pretty displeased.
What he doesn’t realize is that at this point Tom has reached 100% on the Badass-O-Meter and doesn’t give a shit. Tom says, “You know Bill, one thing I’ve learned in all of my years, is sometimes you gotta say, what the fuck.”
Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems
For whatever reason Tom and Lana go celebrate by fucking on the L train. The other people on the train don’t seem to have any problem with this. It’s pretty fucking badass. Tom’s got a shitload of cash even after paying for the car, and he’s feeling great. Too bad Guido and Lana’s friends stole everything out of the house while he was gone. Tom ends up giving Guido all the extra money in exchange for his parents’ furniture and that dumb fucking egg. Oh well, at least he learned how to be a badass.
So How Was Business?
Everything wraps up nice and neat—Guido and the hookers take off and mom and dad come back just moments after Tom gets all the furniture back inside. Mom’s pissed about a tiny crack in the egg (what is THAT supposed to mean?), so Tom has to rake the yard, but otherwise he gets off scot free. Oh, and the Princeton guy turns out to love him some hookers, so Tom gets in to Princeton, too. Right at the end, we get the final score: $8000 in one night. Not bad. I guess. I mean, it was a completely unsustainable venture, dependent on the degradation and objectification of multiple human beings, in total violation of multiple statutes and ordinances, in a location entrusted to Tom and used without consent all for the purpose of shameless personal enrichment, but hey. It was a pretty decent haul. Nice work, Tom!
Tom. Now 100% more badass.
About The Tom Cruise Project
As with any great idea, this one started over beers. I’m at a bar and my buddy tells me he’s watching Tom Cruise movies. Not some. All. Every Tom Cruise movie in existence, in chronological order. Whoah. Just the sound of that, right? So I stole the idea. I know, what a dick.
Anyway, I’m gonna watch ‘em all and tell you what I think. That was my idea, this blog—The Tom Cruise Project. Tom’s 40th film came out this year, so this is going to be quite a journey.
You can drop comments onto any paragraph in any of the posts by clicking on the green box that appears to the right. They won’t be public until I allow them, but write anything you want. I won’t be heavy on the censor.
I’ll see you at the Top Gun party.
