The Outsiders (1983)
Tom gets angsty with a fake tattoo and a bad attitude.
Welcome to Tulsa
Do you love 80's teen heartthrobs like Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze? Of course you do. Do you think hangin’ out with Tom, Matt Dillon, Emilio Estevez, and the Karate Kid would be totally freakin’ awesome? Hell yeah you do! Too bad you’re wrong. It is NOT awesome. Life in Tulsa is rough when you’re an Outsider.
The Greasers
Tom’s third film is some sort of teen angst drama, set in Tulsa in the 60's. It’s pretty straightforward—all the cool actors pretend to be ugly and poor and bitter. They’re called the Greasers. They love going to the drive-in and pulling up skirts, switch blade combs, underage drinking, and smoking cigarettes. Pretty fucking cool, right? They look like this:
Those Dickhead Socs
All the no-name asshole actors pretend to be rich and happy and awesome. They’re called the Socs. This is pronounced “sOsh-es” (/soʊˈʃəz/), and is short for Socials. So that’s dumb, but whatever, I guess it was in the book. Oh yeah, this is based on a book. Anyway, the Greasers and the Socs hate each other and get into fights. It’s like West Side Story, except you don’t have to sit through any singing or dancing. Oh, and there’s some bullshit poetry, but we’ll get to that.
TCP Rating—Two Mavericks
The Outsiders earned just one Maverick for taking a pretty awesome plot and making it cheesy as hell, but then Tom does a backflip off a car, which deserves a Maverick all on its own. Final score of two Mavericks.
How You Can Watch
This one streams on Amazon, but it’s not included with Prime (bastards!). I paid $1.99 to get it streaming for 24 hours.
Film Stats
The Color of Money: With a budget of $10M, this movie earned $25,697,647 at the box office and, according to Wikipedia, helped launch the Brat Pack genre of the 80's. Great success!
Cocktail: This film was based on a novel ranked #38 on the American Library Association’s Top 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990–1999 due to its portrayal of gang violence, underage smoking and drinking, as well as strong language/slang and family dysfunction. Badass, right?
Tom Stats
Role: Steve Randle, a kid with terrible teeth who works at a gas station with Rob Lowe. In other words, a total babe magnet.
Danger Zone: Tom punches out at least four dudes in the showdown with the Socs. Well, OK it might be the same guy four times, but still. This man is unsafe!
Tom rocks the protruding lower jaw look throughout the film. He’s also got a sleeveless jean jacket and a really fake-looking eagle tattoo. I know, it’s totally awesome.
Help me, help you … avoid spoilers!
If you’ve already seen it, or just plain don’t give a shit, I’ve included a plot summary for you to enjoy. If you don’t want to know, then don’t read below.
Lesson One: Greasers Ain’t Nothin’ But Trouble (or, Life Sucks When You’re A Greaser)
We start off with the Greasers hanging out at the drive-in, hitting on a couple of Soc girls. Matt Dillon strikes out, but Ponyboy (C. Thomas Howell) is impressing Diane Lane. The Socs don’t like that at all, so they start fighting with the Greasers until the cops break it up.
The Greasers are poor. Hella poor. They don’t have cars or cool jobs or girlfriends. Ponyboy doesn’t even have a jacket. He walks around shivering with the Karate Kid in the park at night. Oh, and Ponyboy’s parents got hit by a train (LOL), so he’s an orphan, too. Luckily, his older brother is Patrick Swayze, but then Patrick Swayze turns out to be an abusive psycho, so Ponyboy runs away. The Karate Kid is thinking about killing himself ‘cause he just can’t take it any more.
This movie goes to great lengths to make Tom, Matt Dillon, Emilio Estevez, and the Karate Kid look ugly and poor. Patrick Swayze is awesome except he’s a total dick, and Rob Lowe … well, honestly, Rob Lowe still comes across pretty cool, but dammit, he’s fuckin’ Rob Lowe. I guess if you’re into penniless bad boys, then this is your jam, but I thought it was pretty cheesy.
Lesson Two: Trust Matt Dillon
Ponyboy just can’t catch a break. While he and the Karate Kid are in the park, the Socs from the drive-in show up, ready to kick some Greaser ass. They start drowning Ponyboy in a fountain, so the Karate Kid stabs one of the Socs, killing him.
Now they’re scared and need some advice, so they go to a gay bar. Matt Dillon is there and tells them to hide out for a few days. He gives them a gun and some sandwiches. So they’re homeless and having a blast out in some shack, and Ponyboy’s reading and reciting poetry to the Karate Kid. This part of the movie totally sucks.
Lesson Three: Don’t Be A Hero
Matt Dillon returns and tells them they can come home. I guess they’re just gonna say it was self defense. On the way back, they see a church on fire with a bunch of helpless women and children inside (hooray, stereotypes!).
Ponyboy and the Karate Kid run into the church and start saving people. The church is tiny. It’s like two rooms, but somehow none of these women or children can save themselves. Each one has to be carried out. Of course, as soon as Ponyboy drags the last one out, here come 100 other bystanders who didn’t help at all but now are gonna congratulate him and the Karate Kid. Wait, where’s the Karate Kid? Oh yeah, he’s still inside and horribly burned. Despite this, Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, and Ponyboy all have an epic three-way man hug. Everyone is so happy! Well, except the Karate Kid, who didn’t follow lesson three. Now he looks like this:
Lesson Four: Violence Solves Everything
So all that depressing shit aside, what this movie is really all about is the showdown between the Greasers and the Socs. So we get an obligatory, “Let’s do it for [the Karate Kid]!” from Matt Dillon, and then we’re all set to kick some ass. On the way to the big fight, Patrick Swayze does a gymnast swing over the railing, only to get big-timed by Tom, who does a backflip off the hood of a car!
All the Greasers we know, plus a bunch of ‘em we don’t, are gathered in the park. [Scary music!] The Socs show up in a dozen or so cars and they meet face to face. Ponyboy takes the first punch (LOL). It’s like Westside story, minus the dancing and singing. And more Tom Cruise. And Patrick. Fucking. Swayze. Greasers are beating up the Socs.
And all of a sudden it’s raining. HELLA RAIN!!! Seriously, it’s a typhoon all of a sudden. And somehow there’s a car on fire!!! Mud wrestle!!! Mud wrestle!!! I think Tom knocked out four different guys. Maybe actually just the same guy. Four times though. Annnnd … it looks like the Greasers won this thing. Hell yeah, Greasers!!
Final Lesson: There Are No Happy Endings
The Karate Kid dies. So now we can’t even be happy about winning the fight. What a dick. Now we’re back to whining about everything. Oh, and Matt Dillon is crazy now. Too crazy to wipe his face. He’s got a gun and he’s robbing people, and about a minute later, he gets shot and killed by the cops. Mist is everywhere. It’s the most epicly terrible death scene you have ever seen.
We end the movie listening to the Karate Kid’s voice reading some sappy letter to Ponyboy. Some bullshit about how everything’s sad and Ponyboy should “stay gold” and not be a badass anymore. Whatever.
This ending sucks. Anyway, that’s it. Life of a Greaser.
About The Tom Cruise Project
As with any great idea, this one started over beers. I’m at a bar and my buddy tells me he’s watching Tom Cruise movies. Not some. All. Every Tom Cruise movie in existence, in chronological order. Whoah. Just the sound of that, right? So I stole the idea. I know, what a dick.
Anyway, I’m gonna watch ‘em all and tell you what I think. That was my idea, this blog—The Tom Cruise Project. Tom’s 40th film just came out, so this is going to be quite a journey.
You can drop comments onto any paragraph in any of the posts by clicking on the green box that appears to the right. They won’t be public until I allow them, but write anything you want. I won’t be heavy on the censor.
I’ll see you at the Top Gun party.
