Writing
Wanted: Free Inspiration, Bring Your Own Snacks
Who better to use than a muse?
I saw this ad on Craigslist
Writer Seeks Female Muse
I am a very talented writer that hasn't sold anything yet.
I will show you several samples of my writings at the
first meeting for you to judge for yourself. I have
recently gone into a rough patch and am seeking inspiration.
I am seeking a cute woman 25 to 35 who is very intelligent
and has a great sense of humor. Each meeting I will
show you new writings and you will provide feedback.
I will also ask questions about how a woman would
answer a question or react in a certain situation. An acting
background is a plus but not required. You will
be asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement. Please reply
with a picture and why you would be a good muse. There is no
pay upfront but there will be payment when the writing is sold.
My response to “talented writer”
You do not need a muse. You need a reality check. No intelligent woman between the ages of 25 and 35 whose opinion would be useful to you is willing to work for free.
What you describe is the job of a professional writing consultant. I do this for $40 an hour. I’m not all that cute, but let’s face it, do you really believe that looks have anything to do with it? What you’re proposing here is exploitation. You want a hot chick to hang around and turn you on, with no assurance of compensation, on the off-chance it inspires you to write. It doesn’t sound so romantic now, does it?
Here’s the dirty lowdown, partner. You’re stalling. Writers write. You haven't' sold? You can self-publish. Rough patch? Write it off.
If you're looking for a girlfriend, they have apps for that. Don't waste any more time seeking someone to make art easy for you. It isn’t because it’s not supposed to be. Should you be able to lure some poor damaged creature into accepting your offer, what are the odds that's going to end well?
The job of a muse is a thankless one. It's a sexist concept that belongs on the scrapheap of history. You need inspiration? Go to an art museum, listen to music, clean out the gutters, and write for a minimum of 3 hours every day no matter what. That's what real writers do.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes, it doesn’t. More often than not, you realize you’re not as talented as you thought you were. You can improve if you work at it. But that’s all on you.
©2021, Denise Shelton. All rights reserved.
