A Catalytic-Born Passion

In a world where change is dreaded and old habits are clung to, it’s easy to see why the vast majority of Americans neglect to make the necessary choices in order to prioritize their health. When people find a place of comfort, whether it be in their choice of foods, products, or daily routines, it often takes more than a small push to nudge them in the direction of positive change. Despite being presented with facts, logic, and real-life experiences, people tend to look the other way when the information they’re given contradicts their current, unhealthy lifestyle. I was one of those people, and unfortunately, it took much more than a small push to get me to where I am now.

In order to change, there must be a catalyst of some sort. This catalyst could be small at first, but when the person refuses to make the change time and time again, the catalyst becomes bigger; it becomes more impactful. I can’t remember what all the small catalysts have been in order for me to prioritize my health, but I know the catalysts grew in size over the time I ignored them. It went from developing some uncomfortable symptoms like headaches and lightheadedness to developing a full-blown chronic illness. Yet somehow the latter was not painful enough for me to make a change in my life. Unfortunately, it took a much bigger catalyst to make me realize the error of my ways. It took my mom being sick with cancer on and off for about ten years to see that I was following in her footsteps to the brink of death. While it may seem unfortunate that I was given this tragic situation, I’m actually one of the lucky ones. I began changing my health at age 17, while most people either never give up their toxic habits or they don’t have the idea to change until they’re much older and it’s too late. As my mom repeatedly told me, “Fail early, fail often.”

I respected my mom more than anyone, so when she gave me advice on something or nudged me in a certain direction, I often went with it. My mom had been living with cancer on and off for about eight years when she started discussing the topic of toxic products (i.e. makeup, haircare, skincare, etc) with me. She explained to me that almost every product I was using contained some type of carcinogen (A.KA. a cancer-causing agent) as well as endocrine disruptors and tons of other harmful illness-causing chemicals that most of the population rarely paid attention to. After almost a decade of reviewing and learning about natural cancer remedies, she had picked up some information on how to change our lives in a way that would holistically benefit our health, from the deodorant we used to the food we ate. I, however, at age 16, really enjoyed my Revlon lipstick and my Tresemme hair products, so I wasn’t fully interested in hearing what she had to say at first. Knowing that I would be more open to her idea of switching out some of my personal products if she helped me (A.K.A if she found the natural products for me), she quickly opened up her laptop and began furiously typing away about non-toxic solutions. We started small, just switching out my shampoo, conditioner, and body wash (she had me change my deodorant years before this). She found an all natural, affordable brand of shower products for me to use, and before I could even object, she hit the order button. I trusted her instincts and logic, so I agreed to use the products and give them a fair go.

Fast forward about a year and a half later, my mother had been diagnosed with cancer for the third time. From the moment she told my brother and I about it, I knew this time was different. While her second diagnosis was metastatic breast cancer, this third diagnosis included that the cancer had spread to many more areas of her body. It was time for her to make some serious changes, but this third diagnosis was yet another catalyst in her own life due to her not taking the necessary measures that she should’ve put in place during the last catalyst. She was incredibly intelligent, but her stubbornness got in the way of her own health. My father was always the one researching holistic ways to cure her cancer, but he became even more rigorous about it this time. Knowing that I was a “Mama’s Girl” and that I was also struggling with my own illness, he knew I had a chance of ending up like her if I didn’t clean up my own health as well. With this in his mind, he became more persistent about me changing out my toxic products for natural ones. I was still using all-natural shower products, though I switched to a brand better suited for my needs. That was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to cleaning up my act. I was also wearing toxic makeup, bathing in hazardous Bath and Body Works perfumes (I shudder whenever I even think about them now), and rubbing horrific acne products onto my face everyday. My dad noticed I had a decent size collection of lipstick, something I wore almost everyday, and they were all toxic drugstore brands. Since I wasn’t very keen on listening to him, he had my mom talk to me about switching to a toxin-free lipstick. I was definitely hesitant at first, mostly because I was so happy that I had found a favorite signature lipstick from Revlon. Knowing that she was right, though, I researched some natural makeup brands to try. I eventually landed on a few relatively cheap brands, and I immediately picked up some products to try, branching out from just lipstick to eyeliner and even some skincare. This was the first time I felt excited about trying new products, as before this time, I had absolutely dreaded having to find something new to use in fear that I would have a negative reaction to it. Something clicked for me during this time, though. I truly believe my higher self was letting me know that change is okay, and that it might even be great.

Fast forward to about six months later, I had just gotten a job at my local Old Navy, one which happened to be located in an outdoor shopping mall populated with lots of interesting stores and restaurants. During those six months, I had delved deeper into what makes a product natural and how organic products are significantly better than chemical-ridden products. I researched tons of ingredients, the effects of said ingredients, and brands that had very ethical values concerning the quality of their ingredients. It became a hobby, probably even my favorite past-time, to learn about natural personal care products (I know, I know, what a weirdo). The great thing about working at Old Navy was that it was right next to Ulta, an ultra popular beauty store that I somehow had never been to, and across from a Whole Foods, another place that I had always wanted to explore. A month or two into working at Old Navy, I decided I needed to see what both of these stores had in terms of natural beauty products. 45 minutes after my shift ended, I came out of Ulta with a large bag and a hefty receipt (I apologized to my mom later, but hey, it was for my health, right?). Next stop: Whole Foods. The second I walked into the aisle with all the natural products, I audibly gasped in awe. While Ulta had a decent selection of natural products, Whole Foods had only natural products. It was like I was a kid in a candy store, except instead of grabbing fistfuls of candy bars, there were cleansers, toners, and creams. Though I was starting to choose natural products in every area, skincare ended up becoming my niche. Surprisingly, I hadn’t heard of many of the brands at Whole Foods, so I took pictures of everything I liked and went home to research them. First rule of shopping for anything: research, research, and then research some more.

Fast forward another six months, it was Christmas time. My mom had only gotten worse; her body was weaker than ever and a ton of her hair had fallen out due to a side effect of a cancer drug. She was chugging along, but I could tell she wasn’t the same, nor would she ever be the same mom again. She wanted to buy me presents, but doing all that work to find surprise gifts for me wasn’t doable for her at the time, so she asked me to just give her a straightforward, specific list. At this time, I really only wanted a few things: natural products, jewelry, and clothes, so I compiled a list of natural beauty products followed by links to where she could buy them. She looked at the list for a few minutes with a confused expression on her face. She told me she didn’t recognize any of the brand names. I smiled and told her that’s because every single one of them was a natural and organic brand. She knew I was very into natural products at this point, but she hadn’t realized that I had fully converted to natural products in every aspect of my personal product routine, from makeup to haircare to skincare to dental care. While I’m sure she didn’t appreciate the costs of those clean products, she still smiled, loving that I had taken the reins and changed my life with my own learned knowledge, and that I had even surpassed her and my dad’s own wisdom on the subject.

Fast forward eight months, it was towards the end of the summer. I was standing in my mom’s bathroom with my skincare collection sprawled over her sink. She had gotten too weak to be able to properly wash her face and moisturize everyday. Her face was extremely dry and her skin was starting to flake. Being an expert on skincare at that point, I offered to give her a facial with the products I used on my own face. I leaned over her wheelchair and began cleansing her face, soon moving on to exfoliating and making her laugh when I said her face looked like I had dumped coffee grounds on it due to the exfoliator’s gritty texture and coffee aroma. I finished up by gently moisturizing her face, telling her I would take care of her skin everyday and buy products suited to her specific skin needs the following week. She even agreed to have a weekly facial appointment with me. What I didn’t know at the time, though, was that there would be no more facial appointments.

About a week later, my mom died in the emergency room after suffering from a prolonged lack of oxygen. This was the most horrific and tragic thing that could ever happen to me; losing my best friend in the whole world, as if she just vanished into thin air. I made a vow then and there in that hospital room that I would do everything for her, not only that I would continue to improve my health, but that I would educate others on how to improve theirs. I made a promise to her that I would take all the necessary steps to get my health in alignment so that I wouldn’t follow in her footsteps. I swore to her that a main mission of my life would be spreading the message of truth about the toxins that hide in every aspect of our lives. My mom getting sick in the first place may have been my catalyst to start getting my health in order, but her death was the ultimate catalyst that awakened me to see that I needed to transcend my own baseline of health and awaken others to see that, they too, can live a toxin-free life in terms of products, food, and water. While my mom is no longer living in a physical body, she will always be my ongoing catalyst; the one soul who reminds me that change is the only way to go forward.

Two days after my mom’s death, I packed up my life and moved to Chatham University in Pittsburgh to begin my first year of college, four and a half hours away from the only home I ever knew, and my family. No one at Chatham knew me, so no one knew how deeply saddened I was by my mom’s extremely recent passing. I didn’t talk about it much, if ever, but I did talk about natural products and natural living. Within the first few weeks of school beginning, I was already showing my new friend how to use natural skincare products. Despite how upset I was feeling, I remembered what I had promised to my mom when she died. Although having to uproot my life less than 48 hours after she died was beyond difficult, I knew she would never want me to grieve her by missing out on my first year of college; she would want me to live my life the way she wished she could still live hers.

Here we are in the present, I’m 19 years old and still passionate about educating myself on new information concerning chemicals in products as well as teaching others about this information. At my age, no one is really interested in what carcinogens are, or how common everyday products are slowly killing people. People at this age still believe that they’re young and invincible, that they’re “here for a good time not a long time.” It’s a frustrating feeling, being stuck at this age where those around me have little to no regard for their overall health. However, I will not be discouraged by this, I will only try harder to spread the message. This knowledge can save lives, and that is why I won’t ever stop screaming the truth. My mom had regularly ingested toxic chemicals from her personal care products, food, and water for most of her life since childhood. As she even told me and my dad, it was too little too late by the time she truly made some positive changes. If this information on clean living was more readily available during my mom’s youth like it is today, she might still be alive. Therefore, I embrace my passion and my calling for devouring data on toxins and subsequently informing others on that knowledge.

Since my mom’s death, I have refined my personal product collection to only include the most high-quality natural products, but I have also improved my health in many other ways. I went from eating a chemical-ridden and viciously nutrient-deficient diet to eating all organic foods and becoming vegetarian. I went from being too weak to perform any type of exercise to discovering my newfound love of weight training. I ultimately changed my mindset on life by increasing my meditation times and learning new ways of practicing it. With all of the changes I’ve made, I’ve had the least amount of medical symptoms from my chronic illness now than I’ve ever had in four years.

When someone dies, their loved ones want to find a way to keep their memory alive, even though that can be a really difficult task to complete. I’ve thought about how to do that exact task for the last ten months since my mom died. I realized, though, the way to keep her alive is to keep myself alive. It’s keeping my family alive and well, achieving the things she wasn’t able to grasp in her lifetime, and remembering that she is my catalyst. Although people have many differing views on where their deceased loved ones have ended up, I believe my mom’s infinite soul is in a different realm, and I know my mom will forever live on through me everyday. She started this fire in me that became my passion for clean living, and she will continue to live on through that journey for the rest of my life.

I hope to keep shining light on the ugly truth about what lies in our everyday products. I am always happy to help anyone beginning on their journey to clean living. For those looking for a place to start, my website bemindfulchoosenatural.com will officially be up and running in the next few weeks in order to educate those who are interested in learning about toxins and how to avoid them.

I urge everyone to be on the lookout for their own catalyst, as it may have already happened or it might be coming in the future. My mom had three catalysts, meaning she had three cancer diagnoses, and sadly she was unable to truly recognize them and make a lifelong change for her health. My hope for all people is that they recognize theirs, because there are no accidents, and there is a reason in everything that happens. While I wish my mom could see how changed I am, I understand that this life was too painful for her to bear any longer, and that she will ultimately live on through me as my forever catalyst.