The Tower — Ch 5

Sheryl blinked and held up her arm to block the blinding sunlight. There was a brief exchange behind her as the hospital orderly handed off control of her wheelchair to staff from Dreams Island.

Liam crouched beside the chair, and plucked a pair of sunglasses from his pocket. He handed them to her, and she took them with a smile.

She put them on, but her hand stalled when she realized that they were women’s sunglasses.

“Li?”

Liam smiled and spoke softly. “I asked one of the ladies from wardrobe for you since I knew it was a bright day. They were on one of the accessory racks that you didn’t pay much attention to.”

“Thank you,” she whispered when she saw the tiny orange dot on the inside of the frame that indicated it was a sponsored item.

Liam nodded and stood again.

Sheryl grabbed his hand as they waited for the wheelchair lift to lower on the van.

“Sher?”

She just squeezed, and was glad that the sunglasses hid the tears forming in her eyes.

Liam leaned over and hugged her. “I’m here, so are Chad, Janice and Becky. You lean on us as much as you need.”

“This is really happening, isn’t it. They’re really gone… They’re not going to pop out from a bush and say it was a cruel joke… are they?”

Liam took a sharp breath. “Oh Sher…” He turned into her and squeezed her tight.

“Please Li!” she cried, clinging to him. “Please, I won’t even be mad at them if this was a joke. I just want them to be ok.”

Sheryl was vaguely aware of Chad, Becky and Janice closing in around her, blocking her from the cameras. Liam knelt in front of her.

“Sher, I’m sorry. It’s not a joke. You’re going to go say goodbye.”

Sheryl broke down. “I can’t lose them Liam, I just can’t. I can lose the house, the job. But they’re my family. How can they be dead? Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children. Jonathan and I were supposed to grow old and gray together.”

Tears streamed down her face. The sound of a drone came from above, but she’d gladly cry on camera if it meant her family was alive.

“Sher…” Becky begged, draping herself over Sheryl. “Don’t cry. Please.”

“No,” Chad said softly. “She needs this, and she needs it now. She has to start grieving properly.”

“But…” Becky protested, but something made her cut off.

Becky’s arms tightened around Sheryl’s shoulders. “I’m here Sher.”

Liam held Sheryl’s hands and ran his thumbs over her knuckles. “Listen Sher. I want you to refuse. This is too much. Everything else be damned, we’ll work it out. You can’t go to the island, and definitely not right now. You’ve been denying everything that’s happened because there was no proof from inside a hospital room. But things are about to get very real, and I’m worried for you.”

“Jonathan… Sasha… Benny… my babies, oh Liam, my babies are gone.”

Sheryl slumped forward and Liam caught her. He held her and allowed her to sob against his shoulder.

“The van is ready whenever you are,” the director said from somewhere to the front and right of Sheryl.

She felt more than saw Chad step away to talk to the director, but, despite him trying to keep his voice down, the wind carried the conversation back to her anyway.

“Look at her,” Chad said. “She can’t go like this. She can’t walk, and it’s only been a couple days since she learned that her life was turned upside-down. She needs time. She needs physical therapy and she needs counseling to help her through the grieving process.”

“All her needs will be provided for her on the island,” the director replied in a bored tone.

“Cut the crap,” Chad snarled. “I know somebody on the production staff gets off on the sob story, but it’s cruel. Give her time to get better.”

“Look buddy, I’m just doing my job. Besides, it’s her decision and she didn’t refuse. Now listen, she goes today, or she doesn’t go at all.”

“It’s wrong and you know it!” Chad yelled.

Sheryl flinched, not used to hearing the normally mild man get upset.

“Chad…” she said softly.

Somehow he heard her and walked back over. “Sorry Sher.”

“Thank you. But I’ve made up my mind. I’m going.”

“Please Sher,” Liam begged again. “Chad’s right. There’s no guarantee that you’ll get what you need on the island. You need counseling through this. I know you, so does Chad. You were so close to Jonathan and the kids. You’ve barely begun to grieve, and it’ll likely get worse before it gets better. We can’t be at your beck and call out there, not in the way you’ll need. And we don’t even know what sort of communication restrictions you’ll face.”

Sheryl chewed on her lower lip. “I…”

“Is everything ok?” an accented voice asked.

Sheryl looked up to see her new doctor, Dr. Lucero, standing a few feet away.

“Doctor…” Liam breathed. “Maybe you have some sway. You have to convince them that she needs time.”

The doctor frowned. “Unfortunately I’m not authorized to grant any special considerations like that. I assure you though, she’ll be fully recovered before her run. I won’t sign a medical release for her until I’m sure that she’s physically capable.”

“But what about her emotional state?” Liam begged. “She’s been dissociating for days. It’s just now starting to become real. She’ll need counseling as much as she needs physical therapy.”

The doctor made a noise then walked over and knelt in front of Sheryl. “Will you take your sunglasses off for me Mrs. Callaghan?”

Sheryl sniffed, then removed the eyewear. The glare of the sun was even harsher after crying.

Dr. Lucero looked into her eyes. “Mrs. Callaghan, do you want to be a contestant?”

Sheryl stayed still, fingers gripping the armrests of the wheelchair.

The doctor sighed. “I see. I’ll try another way. Are you going to refuse your invitation to be a contestant?”

Sheryl was silent for several seconds before shaking her head. “No… I’ll be a contestant.”

“Sher… no…” Chad sighed.

Sheryl looked down toward the concrete.

The doctor turned to Liam. “Let’s talk in the van. I’d like to get your concerns to present to counselors on the island.”

Sheryl looked up in time to see Liam make a face, about to argue.

“Look,” Dr. Lucero whispered harshly. “I hear what you’re saying, but my hands are tied. However, there is an argument to be made depending on the severity of dissociation. I’m not a psychologist, and to my untrained eye she seems sound enough that I can’t argue impaired judgement. But as the doctor overseeing her care I can get her into counseling, and I can have a professional on the island evaluate her mental health. As her friend, I trust you if you say she’s dissociating.”

Silence.

“I’m her advocate, every contestant gets one. Most advocates are trainers, but since she’s arriving in a state of medical need I’m hers. She can’t compete without my signoff. It’s my job to make sure she’s healthy enough, and that includes her mental state. Work with me, not against me.”

Liam sighed and nodded. “I’ll talk with you privately.”

Janice moved in front of Sheryl and blocked her view. “Don’t do this Sheryl. Stay. Not for us, but for Jonathan and the kids. They would want you to live a long and happy life, not risk it all on that death game.”

Sheryl started crying again. “I know that, but what life is there when I’d be lucky to ever pay down the debt from this? When I do find a job half my wages would be automatically garnished. Just staying out of a shelter will keep me working to the point of exhaustion. What kind of life is that?”

“You’d be alive.”

“I don’t plan to die though!” Sheryl clenched her fists. “Please… I need you all. I know you don’t like this, but please…”

Tears streamed down her face and she squeezed her eyes shut.

Arms wrapped around her, and she recognized the subtle scent of Janice’s perfume.

Sheryl wrapped her arms around Janice’s middle, and felt Becky nuzzle into the back of her neck. A moment later she was flanked by Liam and Chad, who joined in the group hug.

“If we can’t convince you to stay, then let’s go say goodbye,” Janice said, running her fingers through Sheryl’s hair.

Sheryl wiped her tears away and nodded.

The van’s lift lowered. Liam stood behind Sheryl’s wheelchair and steadied it as it descended.

The cemetery was an oasis among chaos. Tall buildings ringed the former park, a sun damaged playground crumbled on the far end, waiting to be removed to make room for more graves. A tall fence kept out transients and dealers, which was reinforced by security roaming the grounds.

Sheryl remembered the controversy when the park had been acquired several years prior. The city had been unable to keep up with maintenance and security costs. The sale had garnered protests as it was one of only a handful of public parks left in a city of twenty million.

In the end it hadn’t mattered. The city needed the revenue, and the sale to a memorial services company was the compromise rather than the addition of another high-rise filled with pods.

Liam pushed Sheryl along the path, Becky, Janice and Chad following close behind. She would have found it peaceful if not for the reason they were there, and as fresh tears pricked her eyes she understood why the makeup crew had used waterproof makeups.

“How long are the plots?” Sheryl asked quietly.

“Fifty years,” Liam replied, “with an option to extend to your passing if you wish.”

Sheryl couldn’t hold back the tears, extension options were an added fee on top of the already expensive plots.

Liam paused in pushing her chair to pass her his handkerchief again. “Take as much time as you need Sher. Those vultures can wait for you to be ready.”

Sheryl chuckled dryly. “They’re probably already filming.”

“Probably, but they can still wait.”

Sheryl dabbed the cloth at her eyes until most of the wetness was whisked away, then clenched the square of cloth as she returned her hands to her lap.

Liam started pushing the chair again, but Becky ran in front of it and stopped them. The blonde made a face, then pulled a comb from her purse and quickly ran it through the hair framing Sheryl’s face.

“Your hair was matted from crying,” she explained as she put the comb away again.

“Thank you,” Sheryl whispered.

Becky smiled and patted her shoulder before moving behind the wheelchair again.

A few minutes later they reached the gravesite. Rich green grass covered the vertically buried coffins. A triple-pane headstone marked the graves, the large one in the middle for Jonathan, and smaller wings for the children. An angel perched on the top, arms spread and looking toward the heavens.

Sheryl’s breath caught in her throat. She reached out to touch the cool stone, and a dry sob escaped.

The noise caught her off guard, and the walls she’d built shattered. Hiccuping sobs built one upon another, trying to all come out at once, and tears streamed down her face.

“No… no no no. Please god no.” She wailed, unable to contain her anguish.

Sheryl nearly fell out of the chair as she tried to touch more of the headstone.

Liam and Chad swooped in, and gently lifted her from the chair. They set her down on the grass, and she scrambled to lean against the headstone.

“Please, you can’t be gone, you just can’t.” She traced the carved names with her fingertips. “Jonathan… Sasha… Benny… Why?”

Sheryl curled in on herself, burying her face into the cool grass and slamming her fists on the ground. “It’s not fair…. You did nothing wrong! I was the one who made the call,” she mumbled into the earth. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. You’re dead because of me.”

She ran her fingers over the grass and turned her head, laying her cheek against the ground. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to attend your memorials. I only woke up two-and-a-half days ago.

“Jonathan, I miss you so much. Every time I heard footsteps in the hall at the hospital I looked up, hoping it was you. I couldn’t believe that you’d gone. We had so much to look forward to, and I wanted to experience it all. I lived more than twenty years before I met you, but I look back and I know I didn’t really start living until you came into my life. You were my soulmate, and right now I feel that half my heart is missing.

“Sasha, my star, you always gave all of yourself. You were so smart and so strong. You could have changed the world… I know that. Liam said that all the other kids from your dojo gave you presents.” Sheryl sobbed again. “He said that there were so many stuffed toys on top of your casket that they kept falling off. Everybody loved you baby girl. Everybody. The world is a darker place without you in it.”

Sheryl sniffed and wiped her tears. She ran her fingers through the blades of grass. “Mommy misses you Baby Benny. You were my little monkey. We were all so excited for your birthday. We were going to take you to get your implants turned on for the first time, and get you officially registered in the communication system. I’d already picked out the games you’d have been able to access, all of them had monkeys. Daddy and I knew you’d be just as smart as Sasha, and we couldn’t wait to see what direction life took you.”

Sheryl wanted to say more, but her heart ached. She cried into the grass for several long minutes.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit again. I’d be here every day if it was up to me, but…”

She shuddered and whimpered.

“Jonathan, I’m scared. I received the card. If you and the kids were still alive I would have refused without a second thought. But right now, I don’t have a choice. The bank took the house, my job is gone. I’ve been in the hospital ever since that night, and I’ve seen the fees and payments so far in the patient portal. Jonathan… there’s no way I could pay it back. My inheritance was seized for it, the pittance left from life insurance after the funerals is long gone. The lifetime cap on insurance was reached three months ago.

“Jonathan, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I have to do this. It’s the only way that I can possibly escape that debt. Liam, Chad… Becky… Janice… they’ve all tried to get me to refuse. You’d be proud of them for trying. They really are the best friends we could ever ask for. I’m so scared, but I refuse to die. I’ll come see you again as a survivor.”

Sheryl fell silent and ran her hands over the grass. She heard music, then realized that she’d started singing Benny’s favorite lullaby. She started crying again.

Knees on the grass in front of her, then Liam sat down. “Have you told him?”

Sheryl nodded without lifting her head.

“I promise I’ll help bring her home Jonathan,” Liam said to the grass. “She’s asked Janice, Becky and I to be her support team. We’ll bring her home to you and the kids. We’ll make sure that she lives a life rich enough for all of you.”

Sheryl choked back another sob.

Liam scooted over and pulled Sheryl’s head into his lap. She stared at his knee as tears streamed down her face. He patted her hair as she cried.

“It’s not fair Li, it’s just not fair. Why did they have to die?”

“I know Sher.”

“I’m getting your pants all wet.”

“You cry as much as you need.”

“You’re too good to me.”

“No more than you deserve.”

“Will you visit them for me while I’m on the island?”

“Of course. We’ll even bring flowers if you tell me what everybody liked.”

“Sasha loved pink tiger lilies, Benny’s favorites were baby blue carnations mixed with baby’s breath.”

“What about Jonathan?”

“He loved succulents, especially arrangements of them. He didn’t have a favorite one though.”

“I’ll make sure that they always have fresh flowers.”

“Thank you.”

Sheryl turned her attention back to her husband and children. “Jonathan, I always liked telling you everything. But now… My mind is blank. All I can think of, over and over, is how much I miss you and the kids. I’m so scared, but I have to do this, and it tears me up that even when I come back, that you’ll still be gone. Sasha… Benny… Mommy will come home, I promise.”

Sheryl started humming the lullaby again, running her hand through the grass. Tears fell, glittering as they caught on the blades, or before they soaked into the leg of Liam’s pants.

Eventually the sun started to dip in the sky.

“I don’t want to leave them Li…” Sheryl said, almost asleep in her friend’s lap.

“You can still refuse.”

Sheryl shook her head. “No. If I refuse now I won’t ever leave this spot.”

“Going to the island is a way of running from the pain.”

“I know…”

“Chad and I will clear our schedules for a week when you get back, longer if you need. We’ll help you through this, and whatever trauma comes from the show, together. But promise me something?”

“Hmm?”

“Grieve for your family. Don’t hold it in. You’re strong Sheryl, stubbornly so, but this will fester like a gaping wound. It’s more than simply crying or coming to terms with it. It’s moving to the other side and seeing a life beyond the loss. Don’t let them stop you from mourning their deaths.”

Sheryl nodded. “Ok.”

Liam patted the ground next to him. “We’ll bring her back Jonathan. I promise.”

Liam helped Sheryl sit up, then he and Chad helped her back into the wheelchair. They returned to the van while the sun was setting.

The thrusters on the transport created a strong wind on the tarmac as Sheryl bade farewell to her friends. Each hugged her and promised to chat as much as schedules and communication restrictions allowed.

They all tried one final time to convince her to refuse.

Sheryl waved from the small window as the craft took off vertically. Tears streamed down her face as they grew smaller and were eventually just dots on the landscape.

“We have two stops before we proceed to the island,” one of the flight crew informed her. “The director will likely want a few videos of you once we’re closer, but you should rest in the meantime.”

Sheryl nodded and accepted an offered blanket. She was quickly asleep, lulled by the thrum of the powerful engines.