Breakup Mode

Breakups happen. Usually it’s not “mutual”, as people like to believe. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do. But it always sucks for at least one person.

When I was 17, I was dumped. Very not mutual. Very not the right thing to do, from my perspective. Very sucks for me. But somehow, in the storm of sadness, I decided that I was going to become someone super sexy for the next person who I might share a special connection with. How to become sexy? Learn guitar and get buff, of course.

So I started working out. I had a fairly rigid regimen of pushups and situps—seemed pretty legit at the time. And I spent hours in front of my computer with a guitar I asked for Christmas, learning chords and playing to myself. It was part distraction and part replacing a part of myself I had lost.

I recently went through another breakup. Somewhat mutual. Probably the right thing to do. But still sucks.

I have supercharged my 17-year-old self’s plan into a full-blown lifestyle:

• Resuming guitar lessons
• Crossfit workouts (so basically still the 17-year-old’s plan)
• Weekly hikes up Lion’s Head, a gorgeous mountain in Cape Town
• A revamped effort to connect to my mom and friends abroad
• A random apprenticeship I worked out under the guidance of Mat Blac, maker of fine handmade leather goods
• 2 online Coursera courses
• Cooking more meals at home

It feels good. The void is filling. My friends say it’s healthy.

I, honestly, cannot for the life of me tell if it is. Am I replacing a human with some set of activities that enhance me and my life? Seems so. Is there a chance that I like doing these things so much I won’t want another girlfriend? Probably not…?

The future is uncertain, but at least the present has some structure to it.