13 Of The Funniest White House Correspondents’ Dinner Jokes
From Saturday Night Live stars to basically every late night talk show host, America’s funniest comedians have tackled the ultimate professional challenge: making the most powerful person in the country crack a smile. Some, like Ray Romano in 1998, were judged to be duds. (Sorry, Ray.) Others, like Wanda Sykes in 2009, leave the night mired in controversy over a provocative punchline. But most brave souls land at least a few zingers that leave the prez in stitches.
Below, we’ve compiled our favorite—and sometimes, yes, meanest—one-liners from D.C.’s coolest (and nerdiest?) party. Because no matter which side of the aisle you’re on, we can all appreciate a hearty dig at politics’ expense.
Listen live to this year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, starring comedian Michelle Wolf, on C-SPAN at 9:30 this Saturday. In the meantime, you can catch up on the past 25 years of hilarious WHCD monologues in podcasts you can take with you on the go, only on the TuneIn app.
13. Hasan Minhaj, 2017
“The news coming out of the White House is so stressful, I’ve been watching ‘House of Cards’ just to relax.”
12. Craig Ferguson, 2008
“Did you know Bill Clinton charges half a million dollars to give a speech? But he’ll talk dirty for free.”
11. Cecily Strong, 2015
“It is great to be here at the Washington Hilton…is something a prostitute might say to a congressman.”
10. Drew Carey, 2002
“You know, Ozzy Osbourne and the president, they have a lot in common. First of all, they both love their families, they’re both family men. They both partied a little too hard when they were younger. Half the time you can’t understand a word either one of them are saying.”
9. Joel McHale, 2014
“[Joe Biden] isn’t here tonight, not for security reasons, he just thought this event was being held at the Dulles Airport Applebee’s. Yes, right now Joe is elbow-deep in jalapeño poppers and talking to a construction cone that he thinks is John Boehner.”
8. Jon Stewart, 1997
“I love Senator Kennedy. I think that guy’s the coolest. Although I do think he has kind of an enormous head. Honestly, it doesn’t even look like a head. It looks more like a container for a head.”
7. Conan O’Brien, 2013
“As I look around the room and see all the media here tonight, I realize this is all just one big high school cafeteria. That’s all it is. Think about it. Fox is the jocks, MSNBC is the nerds, bloggers are the goths, NPR is the table for kids with peanut allergies, Al Jazeera is the weird foreign exchange student nobody talks to. And print media, I didn’t forget you, you’re the poor kid who died sophomore year in a car crash. Cheer up, we dedicate the yearbook to you.”
6. Seth Meyers, 2011
“Jon Hamm is here. Yeah. Jon Hamm looks the way every Republican thinks they look. Zach Galifianakis is also here. Zach Galifianakis looks the way Republicans think every Democrat looks.”
5. Norm McDonald, 1997
“Table 10, we’re sorry your waitress hasn’t been there in a while. Larry King just married her.”
4. Jimmy Kimmel, 2012
“No matter what side of the fence you’re on, you have to admit, Michelle Obama’s done a lot of great work. She just wants us to be healthy, is all. Mrs. Obama, I thank you for that. [points] Look, it’s Chris Christie, get him!”
3. Stephen Colbert, 2006
“I stand by this man [President George W. Bush] because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things — things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world.”
2. Laura Bush, 2005
“The president and I were clearly meant to be. I was the librarian who spent 12 hours a day in the library, and yet somehow I met George.”
1. Barack Obama, 2016
“In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major.”
