A Second Chance
Preparing myself to take full advantage of this the second time around
In my 20s, I spent the majority of my waking hours wishing things were different. I took myself on this fantasy journey of living in a different part of the country, traveling for work and working in a job that was both fulfilling and challenging, experiencing new places and people, and having no responsibilities for anyone else as I discovered the world and myself. In short, I wanted to be free.. free to make my own choices in life, without judgment or restrictions.
Oh, how that colorful, rich life looked so great from afar and, like a fluttering butterfly, ever evasive.
Fighting was commonplace when my dad and I lived together. We were very different and did not make good housemates. Yet, I couldn’t get away because I was all he had. This was during the Great Recession, and we had just moved into our first house. My brother, after a while, decided to move hours away, leaving me to shoulder that burden alone.
At work, I wanted more. I had been in the job for over 5 years, and was not learning anything new. The people who worked there were all apathetic to their job. Even young kids right out of high school weren’t going to college or had any ambitions to better themselves. They complained about their lot in life, but didn’t do much about it. I knew I had outgrown the role and the place, but couldn’t land any other opportunities that paid a decent wage with growth potential. Even corporate roles within the same company were unattainable; it depended on who you knew.
Maybe most importantly, I was missing, and craved, the social life that you saw on Friends. The kind of supportive friendships that stand the test of time and circumstances. The ones who were on the same page and similar paths, and who can and will be there to talk about the whims of goals and dreams and the journey we call life. I missed having deeper, engaging conversations that explored different topics, like trends in the economy, politics, or technology.
No matter how much time I spent applying to jobs or connecting with others, I wasn’t seeing any results for the effort. Life seemed bleak, and it made me negative, depressed, angry, resentful, and stuck. I kept looking for a savior, someone or something to come in and give me the change I desperately wanted. At the very least, I needed a reason to stop living with my dad, because moving away simply because I was unhappy seemed irresponsible at best and a downright sin at worst because of Asian filial pressure. It was one of the most challenging periods of my life.
Roman philosopher Seneca said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”
My second chance didn’t just happen out of the blue. When I finally started taking ownership of my life, I had to make choices every day that aligned with my values. I had to learn how to break out of old patterns and embrace the discomfort. I had to realize, really realize, that no matter how much judgment there was, real or perceived, it would be me living this life, and I better make sure I was happy with what I ended up with.
I spent a lot of time working on myself and healing the roots of unhealthy behavior. A goal I kept in the forefront of my mind was not allowing things that happened in my past to dictate my future. I don’t know how the end result would manifest, but I knew the mindset I wanted to elicit: to openly welcome new experiences in life and love without jadedness; to believe there is an abundance of kindness and generosity in the world; to trust that people are inherently good.
I am lucky, and ready, to receive this second chance in life, and am so thankful that I recognized it when it came.
I feel like I have the opportunity to relive my twenties over again, to do what I’ve always wanted but couldn’t the first time around. Except now with more wisdom, resources, skills, and awareness to navigate this cycle.
I am as free as ever. The obligation of caring for my dad is still there, but it is now approached from an angle of desire and love.
I have had, and may possibly have again after COVID, the great opportunity to travel for work. I am also lucky enough to be able to do personal travel when the time is right.
Work may still not be fulfilling, but I feel better positioned and equipped to make a change when an opportunity arises.
Every day, I aim to learn just 1% more of my interests than I did the day before, and apply it.
I have managed to piece together a group of people who I genuinely enjoy spending time and talking with, who I know I can count on when life hands me lemons. I know who are good for me, and learned to walk away from those who aren’t.
At this moment, I am at my happiest because I finally feel in control of life and have the choice and opportunity to head in my own direction.
I feel at the cusp of my next turning point. The question is, what will it be?
