Death And Lessons — Special Edition Newsletter
Earlier this month, a very close family member passed away due to health-related issues. As deaths do, it affected us all immensely, even more so as it was so sudden.
So many things go through your mind when you are trying to process and accept you are no longer going to see this person any more.
But I believe.
I believe he is always with me, as long as I keep the memory of him alive. And I believe he can still have conversations with me, guiding me in the same ways when I was seeking his advice before.
Death brings about change, but death also brings about clarity.
Specifically, you start looking for meaning behind your own lives, and examine whether what you are doing now is worthwhile.
His death for me brought to the forefront four lessons that are good guideposts in how one should conduct oneself through life.
Find ways to appreciate people when they are alive
Tell those people how much they mean to you, because visiting their grave site later to utter those words or pay those respects pale in comparison to when you showed them when they were alive.
I was very fortunate to be able to express my gratitude before all this, and only wished I had more opportunities to do so. Create those opportunities. Say your thanks. Even if you are emotionally awkward and you blunder, they will understand.
Ask them their stories
Especially those who are in their 80s and 90s now, they lived through a few wars and economic instability. Ask them about their thoughts and experiences. They might just humble you and make you realize just how privileged you are to have had them pave the way.
The last time I saw him was about two months before he passed. I grilled him for about two hours, asking him his story of coming to America, and I was all at once happy and surprised that he was so open and forthcoming. He has given me so much, but nothing comes close to this parting gift, the gift of just a little piece of who he was.
Don’t squander your opportunity
If this person was close to you, most likely they had a positive impact on your life. Maybe they contributed to your education or your wedding. Maybe they taught you life values, or how to drive a car. Maybe they helped you find a job. Or maybe, just simply, they showed up in your life at all times it was significant or not. Whatever the case, they helped facilitate you to become the person you are today. Don’t squander that opportunity by throwing away the effort that was given. Live your life fully, and if changes need to be made, make them.
He was the giver and the leader of the clan. He was our inspiration, and the reason we have what we have today. I see how privileged my life has become, all because he paved the way for us. I knew this when he was alive, but remembering this when he’s gone really helps to confirm that I am doing the right things, and most importantly, keep me motivated to do things that are right for me. It is because of him that I am.
Your legacy is important, but how you treat people is even more important
When you die, you’d hope that stories of how successful, impactful, and courageous you were are being shared. Of course, if you lived long enough to see the fruits of your labor, you’d witness that yourself.
But more importantly, you want to be remembered as benevolent, kind, and generous to those in your circle. It’s great that you made your family’s life more comfortable, and are able to pass down generational wealth. But to be able to have had a positive influence on someone else’s life because of who you were, that’s priceless.
Like most immigrant families, ours started out poor. He had many siblings, plus a family of his own, and his parents, all living under one roof. Years later, when I was around 8, due to my parents’ divorce, my brother and I went to live with them too. Money was tight, but there always seemed to have enough to go around. Family always came before money, and love was given freely. He never made me feel like I was a burden; he never made me feel like I didn’t belong. And, as I hear more stories about him after his death, he was a beacon of light for many, many others as well, people who weren’t even family. He was a man who was a legend to many in his circle not only because of his accomplishments, but because of how he carried himself and affected others.
May you all be just as blessed as I was to have had someone so inspirational be in your life.
Those we love don’t go away,
They walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard,
But always near.
Still loved, still missed
And forever dear.
