My Story Forward
Writing my way to my own ending
In 2015, I was divorced from my husband.
In 2019, triggered by an event that happened during Thanksgiving, I wrote my first post about divorce for the world to see.
In the four years in between, even though my thoughts and path to healing were not made public, I was doing a lot of work behind the scenes. Fast forward to now, the beginning of 2021, and I am at the most happiest I have ever felt, by myself, focusing on my goals.
Back then, it was a turbulent, roller-coaster time, filled with feelings of shame, worthlessness, and lack of direction. While I didn’t know how I was going to overcome that, there were at least few things I did know I wanted for the outcome:
I did not want the divorce to define me
I did not want to be jaded; I did not want to forever not trust in love, people, or happiness. I wanted to be in a place of forgiveness and gratitude, even without any apologies or closure.
I wanted to address the root cause
I wanted to heal. Not only from the actual event, but from the situations and past that led me to there. Why did I allow the relationship to happen even though there were red flags? What stopped, or didn’t stop, me from making the right decisions for me? I wanted to unpack all that and deal with my demons once and for all.
I want to use my experience to help others make sense of their own path
Going through my journey really struck home that each one of us has a story to tell. Each one of us had factors that influenced our decisions that led us to where we are today.
In my case, it was the combination of my parents’ divorce when I was young that resulted in shame and lack of self-worth, and the way my culture stresses on a narrow-minded view of success.
I made decisions that were based on external validation, and tried to live a very traditional and conventional life that would make my family proud. I yearned for that recognition, acceptance, and approval; I wanted to know that I was not a failure and that I mattered, even though I came from a broken family. I was looking for myself in all the wrong places, and needed everything to break so I can put myself back together differently.
In this first year of writing on Medium, I have learned more about myself and healed at a faster rate than when I was doing the work privately. Not to say that every nitty gritty detail of divorce needed to be made public, nor is it helpful, but a personal or coherent narrative helped put things in perspective, and gave me insight to what kind of person I am.
It essentially is my life story as told to myself or others. This format gave me the power to change the outcome of my story moving forward, as I made sense of how past events affected me, and how I can frame those events to highlight my growth.
Today, I am hugely proud of where I am and how far I’ve come, and felt immensely freed in sharing with others.
In writing that first post, I have had others with Asian backgrounds reach out about pressure within their own marriages or shame after their divorces, and also others who weren’t of Asian culture, but were struggling through a similar path of anger, healing, and forgiveness.
I may not know all the answers, nor am I completely healed, but I do know every intentional step turns my being a victim into one of empowerment. I am empowered to choose the ending for myself.
I will keep on writing and talking about not only divorce and its stigma, but also the demons affecting our decisions in life. I will keep on talking about the strength and courage in walking away. My personal narrative is not yet over; this is only the beginning of my story forward.
Have your own story to tell, and want me to write it for you? Want to connect over shared experiences? Leave me a reply or email me at mystoryforward@gmail.com.
