The Lost Soul
Sometimes I wonder in my thoughts, searching for an answer that I’ve been longing for. I have been lost since birth and I have been trying to find my salvation that can save me from my tormenting ideas. Scared by the past I left behind, I can’t seem to let myself heal from the hurt of my history. I felt so lost with no one to comfort my inner pain.
I had tried everything to dissolve these inner feelings of distress, but my compassion for replaying the scenario had become my divine partner. Sometimes I would wonder off into my creative world, to develop a new life. A life that could be mine. A story that would give me a happy ending, with a peace of mind.
I felt that by creating a hyper-reality, I could vision a new life. A life that could heal the deep scars of my past. So I decided to disconnect myself from the real world and played the film of my hyper-reality.
Is it awful to say that my emotion had become dysfunction to the point that I couldn’t connect with my feelings anymore? Had I become a person who was self-sufficient on my delusional world and kept to myself? Had I generally made myself, my own best friend as a defence mechanism? Was I actually protecting myself from my future adversity? And is this realisation my conscious telling me that I need to recover my loss by seeking for assistance.
How could I let go when the loss I felt inside me, was truly the loss of my souls. I had lost my soul at birth, when pain decided to visit me throughout life. Recovering to me was not an opposition based on my recent and current setbacks to my visionary emotions. I had reached a point that I truly didn’t know what to do apart from being alone.
My lonely journey was realistically, affecting my ability and capacity to find a way out. So I screamed internally, from the pits of my heart, the loss of my soul. Hoping that an encouragement from my trails of prayers may recover the light that was lost to the darkness inside me. I hoped that with time, redemption and joy, may receive me back to the state of living a healthy mortal life. So, I write to use written words as my voice and sentencing as my story to my new discovery.
